Is Dating Married Women A Good Idea?

By some estimates, as many as 15% of married women will have an affair at some point during their marriage. That works out to approximately 4.5 million women in the United States alone. What this means is that there is a real possibility that you will have a chance of dating married women at one time or another. Here are some things to think about before you decide whether or not to do it.

One of the things men seem to like about dating married women is the physical passion that is often present. Perhaps the woman isn’t being satisfied, and has now turned to you to fulfill her needs. This may be great for a few nights of lustful passion, but there won’t be any real emotional attachment. Some guys love the idea of all of the romance without any of the feelings, but what they don’t realize is that the physical aspect is so much better when true feelings are being shared.

“We’re getting a divorce.” I have a friend who has dated a married woman for more than ten years now, and she is still telling him that she and her husband are on the verge of getting a divorce. The papers have been filed, not filed, misplaced, refiled, almost finalized, retracted, but they are still married. What’s going on? People often feel it’s immoral to date somebody who’s married, but if they are “going through a divorce”, then they can justify it by saying the woman isn’t “really” married.

This isn’t meant to scare you, but you should know that a lot of murders are the result of “love triangles”. These crimes of passion happen quickly; often without warning. What happens is you think things are going fine, that her husband doesn’t know anything, but then the wife confesses what she has done, or the husband finds out in some other way. In reality, they should only be mad at the person who has done them wrong, but the anger and jealously can quickly bubble over and get out of control. Now, that’s not to suggest that dating married women will make you the victim of a murder, but you should know that it is a risk; no matter how remote.

There is another thing to consider before dating married women, and that is your motivation. What is it that attracts you to married women? Is it a feeling of control, or a lack of control? Does it make you feel better than her husband in some way? Is it out of anger? Is it the thrill? Whatever your motivation, ask yourself if it could be satisfied by dating the right single women. If not, then you may need counseling to see if there are deeper issues.

Whether or not you decide to start dating married women is, ultimately, up to you. You need to consider several different things. It is better to be informed before deciding, and the above points should help you to make a better decision.

Deciding If You Should Stay with Your Cheating Husband

It’s difficult to find out that your husband has cheated on you. Even more difficult is having to decide what you want to do about your marriage now that you know the truth.  The choice you make should be one that helps you heal, and sometimes that choice will also help you heal your marriage. Ask yourself the following questions to figure out if you should stay in your marriage or leave it.

• What will make you the happiest in the end? The fact that your husband was unfaithful will make this a hard question to answer because, currently, you’re hurt, angry and may even hate him a little. However, you shouldn’t focus on what you want to do immediately. Revenge probably feels pretty good at first but that’s not going to make you happiest in the long term.
• What do you think about when you look at your past with this man? Thinking about the past after you find out about the affair is perfectly normal. When you think about how the two of you were in the past, pay attention to what you’re thinking about the most. Are you focusing more on the good times you had together or the bad times? This can show you how you really feel and what you may want to do about the future of your marriage.
• Do you still love him or is it something else you feel? When you ask yourself if you still love your husband, the answer is one you should take note of. Obviously, you were in love with him when you married him but sometimes past feelings can be mistaken for current ones. Both you and your husband have changed and grown over the years. Does your husband still have some of the things you fell in love with? Are you still passionately in love with him or have you entered into a comfortable routine? Are you confusing love with a fear of the unknown or comfort? Finally, is your heart broken or just your ego?
• How is the situation affecting your family? If there are children involved, how will your choice to leave or stay affect them? Most parents try to hide bad things from their kids. However, children are more intuitive than most parents think so they’ll know if something isn’t right. If you feel that you can’t accept and forgive your husband’s cheating eventually, you’ll need to think about how healthy the environment will be for them.
• If you leave, will you be able to heal? Whether you stay with your husband or leave him, you’ll still need to heal. A lot of women find out that leaving their husbands before taking time for healing will only lead to more failed relationships in the future. You can’t avoid taking all of the trust issues, hatred and disappointment into another relationship even when the new man hasn’t done anything wrong.

Healing from the ultimate betrayal takes time, strength and perseverance no matter what your final decision. Just keep in mind that the healing is to help YOU, not your husband.  If you decide that you want to stay with your husband, a great self-help course to help you heal is How To Survive An Affair.  It’s a step-by-step system for saving your relationship after an affair, so if you decide to go this route, it’s much better than trying to do it all on your own.