Competing with a Deceased Partner

With people living longer these days, chances are that members of the older population will find themselves dating widows or widowers at some point. This can be either a lovely and happy coupling or it can be a very sticky situation. It totally depends on whether or not the living partner has made peace with the passing of their partner and is ready to move on in life. Unfortunately, that’s not usually something you’ll find out until you actually go out with this person.  Even worse, it may not even become evident until you’ve enjoyed several dates that you’re competing with a deceased partner.

Basically, there’s usually not a way to successfully compete with a partner that has passed on. One of the main reasons for this is that once a loved one has died, he or she becomes a saint in the eyes of the partner that was left behind. Friends and family members are often stunned at the transformation of a deceased partner. This person could have been the meanest tempered, most abusive individual that ever walked the earth, but once they’re gone, their surviving partner remembers them as sweet tempered people that never did any wrong in their lives. If you’re dating someone that has selective memory, you’re in trouble right out of the gate. Nothing you do is ever going to measure up to the deceased saint.

Now, if you’re about to start dating a widow or widower, there are some clues that will help you early on before you waste too much time with this person.  The time that has passed since the partner died will mean a lot in whether the surviving partner is ready to start dating. For some people, six months is plenty of mourning time. For others, ten years may not be enough. So be sure to find out in some discreet way how long the deceased has been gone.

Something else that can be very telling is the interior of the widow or widower’s home.  If you walk in and find a very prominently placed shrine to the deceased partner, you’ll probably want to keep your contact to just the one date.  When there are still tons of pictures sitting around of the good old days, there’s a good chance that the living partner is still dwelling in the past.

If every other sentence from your date begins with “When my Harold was alive” or “Anna always did this or that,” you should probably be prepared for this to be a short term friendship.  This is not the attitude of someone who is ready to move forward in life. You’re not being uncaring or rude if you decide not to wait around, either. You’re simply being realistic.

On the other hand, if you hook up with someone that misses their deceased partner, but speaks in the present and the future of what they would like in their life, you just may have captured a jewel. It’s definitely worth a shot as both of you could have a great chance at a happy future together.

Are You SURE You Want Your Ex Back?

The time honored phrase “Your ex is an ex for a reason” is one that makes a lot more sense than people generally give it credit for. Following a break up, you may feel as if you want to die and that you’ll never find love again. Your fondest wish may be to get back together as soon as possible. However, before you go rushing off to get on your knees and beg forgiveness for a perceived wrong, take a few minutes to consider what you’re about to do.

What was the reason for the break up? Did one of you cheat? If that’s the case, it may not be so easily repaired and you may simply want to close the door on the entire relationship. When cheating is involved, even if you’re able to reconcile, the trust is destroyed and the relationship will never be what it should be. However, if that’s what happened and both of you really want to try it again, you must be ready to put the past firmly behind you.

Did the two of you just start to drift away from each other, or grow in different directions? This may or may not be resolvable. That’s up to you and your ex. Many times, though, when you go in separate directions in your lives, your relationship is just not going to work out. It may be possible to be friends at some point, but your time as lovers is most likely past.

If your relationship was characterized by violence, that’s a definite reason to end it and never look back. A violent relationship is not love. It’s hard to figure out a name to put to this type of coupling, but love doesn’t enter into it. Therefore, this is an ex that you don’t want to ever return to. This is a totally unhealthy interaction and you need something that’s more stable in order to be happy.

Relationships that brought you nothing positive are better off left buried in the past. So, even though you may THINK you want your ex back, consider carefully the reasons that you broke up. Once you’ve gone through those reasons in an honest fashion, you may be shocked at just how relieved you feel that you’re no longer having to go through these things anymore.

Sometimes it takes being OUT of a relationship to understand just how unhealthy or controlling it was for you. That’s why you need to understand that just because a relationship has ended for you, it doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily a bad thing.

Instead, it may be giving you the opportunity to get out there and find the person you were REALLY meant to be with. A wrong relationship can keep you restricted and will hinder you from finding the right relationship that has been waiting for you all along. Don’t try to force the return of an ex that may have been all wrong for you from day one. Your ex just may possibly be an ex for a reason.

After carefully considering all of the reasons why you broke up and you still feel you want to make a go of getting your ex back, we recommend that you check out our review of the M3 System for the best possible chance of getting them back for good.