Moping Around Over Your Ex Gets You Nowhere

The breakup of a relationship can be one of the most devastating experiences in anyone’s life. It’s painful and it’s hard to get over. You’re upset and hurt and may even feel that you’ll never meet anyone else again as long as you live. You mope around the house all day and night, crying and remembering all the special times you had together. Your friends and family members may be starting to avoid you if your depressing and negative mood is beginning to wear thin on them.

The first thing you’re going to have to do is snap out of it. Yes, this sounds a lot easier said than done, but if you spend all of your time and energy focusing on being depressed over the breakup or wishing and praying that you’ll get back together, you’ll never be able to move forward in your life. Before you start shaking your head, it’s imperative that you understand something. If your ex wanted the breakup, there was a reason for it. He may even already be involved with someone else. Whatever the reason, odds are against it being the passionate reunion scene that you’re probably playing out in your head over and over again. That’s not to say that it doesn’t happen in a small number of cases and in the movies. It’s just meant to jog you into reality.

While you don’t really want to jump into a rebound situation, there’s certainly no reason for you not to get out there and have some fun. The absolute worst thing you can do is to sit at home and dwell on how unhappy you are. There’s nothing to be gained from this at all. While you’re sitting at home and being depressed over something that isn’t going to be yours again, life is simply passing you by.

If you’re not out making a concerted effort to improve the circumstances of your romantic life, then you’re basically stomping your feet in a mud puddle. You’re not happy, but you’re not moving forward, either. There are things you need to be doing to help yourself feel better.

Go out with friends. You can even go out alone. Stay away from places that will remind you of your ex. Find some new places to love. Don’t keep listening to all of “your songs.”  Again, open the door to some new favorite music that won’t remind you of your ex. Get rid of pictures, letters, or gifts that are associated with your ex. If you don’t want to throw them away, at least pack them up, so they’re not in your sight any longer. You can also give them to a trusted friend to hold onto for them.

Make yourself do these things or you’ll be miserable for the rest of your life. Most likely your ex has moved on. You deserve to be able to do that as well and have a life. So please stop moping and move forward into a happier life.

Competing with a Deceased Partner

With people living longer these days, chances are that members of the older population will find themselves dating widows or widowers at some point. This can be either a lovely and happy coupling or it can be a very sticky situation. It totally depends on whether or not the living partner has made peace with the passing of their partner and is ready to move on in life. Unfortunately, that’s not usually something you’ll find out until you actually go out with this person.  Even worse, it may not even become evident until you’ve enjoyed several dates that you’re competing with a deceased partner.

Basically, there’s usually not a way to successfully compete with a partner that has passed on. One of the main reasons for this is that once a loved one has died, he or she becomes a saint in the eyes of the partner that was left behind. Friends and family members are often stunned at the transformation of a deceased partner. This person could have been the meanest tempered, most abusive individual that ever walked the earth, but once they’re gone, their surviving partner remembers them as sweet tempered people that never did any wrong in their lives. If you’re dating someone that has selective memory, you’re in trouble right out of the gate. Nothing you do is ever going to measure up to the deceased saint.

Now, if you’re about to start dating a widow or widower, there are some clues that will help you early on before you waste too much time with this person.  The time that has passed since the partner died will mean a lot in whether the surviving partner is ready to start dating. For some people, six months is plenty of mourning time. For others, ten years may not be enough. So be sure to find out in some discreet way how long the deceased has been gone.

Something else that can be very telling is the interior of the widow or widower’s home.  If you walk in and find a very prominently placed shrine to the deceased partner, you’ll probably want to keep your contact to just the one date.  When there are still tons of pictures sitting around of the good old days, there’s a good chance that the living partner is still dwelling in the past.

If every other sentence from your date begins with “When my Harold was alive” or “Anna always did this or that,” you should probably be prepared for this to be a short term friendship.  This is not the attitude of someone who is ready to move forward in life. You’re not being uncaring or rude if you decide not to wait around, either. You’re simply being realistic.

On the other hand, if you hook up with someone that misses their deceased partner, but speaks in the present and the future of what they would like in their life, you just may have captured a jewel. It’s definitely worth a shot as both of you could have a great chance at a happy future together.

Bringing Your Gay Lover Home to Meet the Family

Nothing is better than finally meeting the partner of your dreams after you’ve firmly and completely come out of the closet. Families are usually split about half and half these days when it comes to how they react to being told that their son or daughter is gay. Some families are very supportive of their child’s lifestyle while others are hurt, angry and in denial.

Sadly, many people lose their families over their sexual orientation. For those that still have their families in their lives, there will come a day when you’ll want to bring home your lover to meet them. The only reason that this can be a bit different than any straight person introducing the love of his or her life to the family is because there are so many varied degrees of acceptance that a family can be at.

First of all, if you have a supportive and loving family that wants only your happiness, you’ll have an easy time of it when bringing home your lover for the first time. All you’ll need to do is to call your family well ahead of time so that they can prepare. This is no different from a straight person preparing to bring home a lover. You’re just being considerate in case there’s any cleaning or cooking that your family wants to do before your arrival. When you and your partner arrive, introduce him or her to your family and allow them some time to get acquainted.

If you’ve only recently come out to your family and they’re still grappling with the news, you may need to tread a bit lightly. Make a date for you and your partner to meet with your family ahead of time. This gives you a chance to gauge how your family really is taking the news of your lifestyle. If you feel safer on your own territory, host a lunch or dinner at your home. In this way, you give your family an escape route if they start feeling uncomfortable. Keep things light and don’t be overly affectionate with your partner until everyone has adjusted.

For families that simply refuse to accept who you are, there’s not a lot you can do. In fact, you probably don’t want to subject someone you love to the treatment that he or she will most likely receive at the hands of homophobic family members. Tell your partner about your family. Show him or her photos and tell stories about your childhood. Let your partner get acquainted with your family through your words. In that way, if your family ever turns around and decides to love you and accept you unconditionally, your partner will at least be somewhat familiar with them.

Families are meant to be important. However, if your family cannot seem to accept you and your newfound happiness, you may need to move forward in your life without them as a part of it. It’s not your fault. You deserve to be happy. If they can’t be happy with you, they don’t truly love you. Move on with your partner.

Surviving Interracial Relationship Tension During the Holidays

People all over the world look forward to the holidays and getting together with family and friends to celebrate together. Interracial couples are certainly no different. They decorate, shop for gifts, plan family dinners and parties just like everyone else.

Unfortunately, in some families there may exist a certain amount of tension during these gatherings due to how some family members may feel about interracial relationships.  This tension is due to the fact that not everyone in the family is happy with or agrees with interracial couples being together.  The same can also be said for many gay or lesbian couples as well.

While it is quite astonishing that there’s still such ignorance in the world that breeds the belief that the color of one’s skin is harmful to others, it’s necessary to understand there are still people who actually hold these beliefs.

Therefore, if the love of your life is of a different race than you, it may be challenging in some ways but you can actually make it through the holidays by preparing ahead of time. It’s especially important that you keep this tension to a minimum if you have children. They should not be allowed to be exposed to and damaged by the ignorance of others.

How do you still enjoy the holidays with your family when they so clearly don’t approve of the very thing that’s made you happier than you’ve ever been in your life?

There’s no easy answer to this question. However, there are some things that you can try to do to ease some of this tension. You need to put these into practice ahead of time so the stage is set by the time everyone is gathered at your home. This way, there will be no surprises and everyone understands upfront how things will work.

First of all, make note of all the people on either side of your families that have any issues with your relationship. It doesn’t matter who they are or how they’re related to you and your partner. If they have a problem with your relationship, consider taking them off the guest list. There’s no need to invite difficulty into your home when you’re trying to enjoy a happy time of the year. Granted, this could be a difficult choice for you if it’s a parent or grandparent that objects to your relationship. But, as sad as that is, think about how the gathering would be affected by rude comments or unnecessary negativity coming from this person throughout the entire event.

Suppose one side of the family objects to your relationship and the other one does not. You can choose to have only the accepting family attend a holiday gathering at your home.

It’s also possible for just one of you to spend some time with the side of the family that objects, but that’s sending the wrong message. If you’re a couple, then you want to present a united front telling everyone that if they can’t accept you as a couple, then they don’t need to accept just one of you at all.

The bottom line is that obviously, if there’s an issue of disapproval, you’ll want to keep that out of your holiday celebrations.  No matter what others may think or feel, your relationship is just as valid as everyone else’s and you both deserve to be respected and to be free to build lasting and happy holiday memories.  It may come down to making some hard decisions to enable this, but you’ll feel better in the long run.