Dealing with Jealousy in your Relationship

The Green Eyed Monster is bound to rear its ugly head at some point in time during most relationships. Whether there’s an actual reason for it or not, it does happen from time to time. In some relationships, jealousy is present too much of the time and makes for a stressful connection between the partners in these relationships. The question surrounding jealousy is more about how to deal with it than anything else.

The first thing in dealing with jealousy in your relationship is to try to get to the root cause of it. Why is there distrust that can cause jealousy? Typically, it’s because the partner with the jealousy problem has been mistreated in a relationship in the past. This is usually because an ex has cheated on this partner and fidelity is something that he or she no longer takes for granted in a relationship.

Oddly enough, it can also come from the partner that cheated. The belief here is that if he or she is capable of cheating, then their partner could also be capable of it. Anytime there are trust issues of any kind in a relationship, there’s a huge probability that there will be jealousy within that relationship.

Insecurity is also another major root cause for a partner to be jealous. This insecurity can come from an assortment of past issues. Sometimes a person may pass through an “ugly duckling” phase before blossoming into their present day swan. Many times these people can’t move past the fact that they were once grossly overweight or had acne that covered their face. Even though they may now sport clear skin and a killer body, they look in the mirror and still see that fat, acne faced person that others used to make fun of.

Insecurity can come from other reasons, too. Nearly everyone starts out with the innocence of believing everything they’re told. This is particularly true in a relationship. Until you learn that people can and do lie, it’s easy to live in a cloud of happiness. Then one day, you catch your partner cheating on you, or you find out that he or she has been lying to you all along. That’s the beginning of the undoing of most people. They’ve learned that they trusted when they shouldn’t have. That can bring about a permanent insecurity that will be the cause of jealousy in all future relationships.

Once you learn the root cause of your jealousy, then you can begin to go about finding a way to deal with it. For example, if you’ve been cheated on in the past, look at your suspicious nature in your present relationship.  Unless your partner has given you any reason to feel that he or she has been unfaithful to you, there’s no real reason to get upset if you see them noticing an attractive individual. On the other hand, if your partner is openly staring and gawking while out with you, there’s every reason for anger, rather than jealousy.

If you find that you simply cannot move past jealous feelings even though you have no reason for it, you may want to get some counseling to help you deal with these feelings.

If You Cheat On Your Partner, Should You Confess?

Cheating seems to be much too commonplace these days and a lot of people have a very cavalier attitude about it. Many people assume that it’s just something that will happen and feel that monogamy is an unnatural state for humans to put themselves into.

Other people prefer a monogamous relationship, but will simply “accept” that their partners cheat on them. They don’t LIKE it, but figure there’s not a lot they can do about it. This is typically the attitude of women more than men as it is long been felt that “boys will be boys.” While that attitude may have worked back in the day, it should be accepted that it is now the 21st century and things are not the same as they were once upon a time.

Women have a right to expect fidelity from their partners, just as men do. That dividing line is no longer there in most circles, and that’s the way it should be. In other words, what’s good for the goose is also good for the gander these days.

The definition of cheating seems to be something that is worked out between the partners in each relationship. For some, there IS no “wiggle room.” There will be no cheating, period. Other couples agree on certain rules and guidelines when it comes to what is acceptable and what isn’t.

The question comes up when a partner has actually broken the rules set within his or her relationship. This question is: Should this person confess the cheating to his or her partner? There is no one correct answer to this question as there are so many aspects to consider for each individual situation.

Consider that you’ve succumbed to temptation and cheated. However, you realized instantly that it was a mistake and you have resolved never to repeat it. Before rushing off to confess your indiscretion to your partner, think about a few things first:

1. Is there any way that your partner could find out about what you’ve done?

2. Is this something that you’ve done before and always promised yourself that you’d never repeat it or is this truly the first time?

3. Will confessing to your partner make YOU feel better but cause pain and misery for your partner?

Now, if this is something that you’ve never done before and you’re immediately ashamed, think hard about why it happened. What’s different in your relationship now? What was it about this particular person that made you go through with cheating? Those are important questions for you, and only you, to answer in the beginning. Figure out why you cheated so that it won’t happen again.

If your partner will be devastated by this news, and you’re really serious about never doing it again, it may be best to keep your secret and suffer in silence. Confession may be good for your soul, but harmful to your relationship.

The biggest reason to confess is if there’s a real danger of your partner finding out. In that case, this is news that should come from you and no one else.