Blind Dates Aren’t Always Nightmares

Blind dates have always received a bad rep for the most part. These are events that truly frighten people whether they’ve ever been on a blind date or not. That’s because, many times, they were set up by thoughtless people that didn’t even really consider how much the potential couple may actually have in common. Admittedly, these types of blind dates CAN and usually ARE complete nightmares, but it doesn’t have to always be that way.

In this current age of dating services and online dating websites, blind dates are almost the norm now. Of course, you DO have the option of getting to know the person you’re considering going on a date with prior to the date itself because of the online contact between the two of you. There’s chatting, exchange of emails, and even phone calls, if you want. By the time you actually meet for coffee or dinner, you’ve got somewhat of an idea about the person you’re meeting.

True blind dates are an entirely different matter. These happen when your best friend sets you up with her brother in law, cousin in law, guy from her husband’s office, or a variety of other choices. You’ve never laid eyes on this guy and know absolutely NOTHING about him, yet, you’ll be having dinner with him at your friend’s home. It is blind dates of this sort that can be trouble. If you haven’t been consulted at all prior to this date, it can be even worse.

However, look at it from another viewpoint. Suppose that your friend, sister, or whoever is setting you up on this blind date, has spoken at length with you about the qualities you must have in any man that you would consider having a relationship with. Suppose, also, that this person has spent time telling you all about the man that you’ll be meeting. In fact, you almost feel as if you know this man by the time the actual date comes about. Assume that the man in question has also undergone the same process regarding you. When it’s these things that have been considered before a blind date, there’s a very good chance that you and this new man will hit it off.

Another thing that is a better idea for blind dates is to double date. So when you meet this new man, you know that there won’t be any chances of those uncomfortable silences when you don’t know what to say. If you’ve got really good friends, they’ll know if the time comes that they should make themselves scarce and let the two of you get better acquainted. On the other hand, they’ll also be able to see if the entire exercise is one in futility, and they’ll know to call it a night at an appropriate time.

When there’s enough preparation beforehand, many blind dates turn out to be very successful and can even end in marriage. The thing to remember is that they must be orchestrated in just the right way to stand a chance of working out.

Help! His Best Friend is a Woman

It’s certainly not uncommon for a man to have a woman as his best friend. While it’s not uncommon, it CAN become problematic if the relationship is closer than a romantic relationship will ever be for either of them. Sex certainly does not have to be involved for a man and a woman to be monumentally close. It happens all the time with Internet relationships. However, if your partner has a female best friend and she seems to be more a part of your lives and relationship than you would like, you need to do something to change that.

Of course, the first thing you need to figure out is if there’s actually anything inappropriate with their friendship. If your partner is spending hours on the phone with his best friend on a regular basis to the extent that he’s ignoring you; that’s a problem. When you and your partner go out for the evening, if she always has to tag along or, worse yet, he makes plans to go out with her ALONE; there is a very big issue. If she’s invited by your partner to come along on your vacations, then you may definitely want to mention it to him.

Basically, if your partner is treating his “best friend” more like a girlfriend, you’ve got every right to make your feelings known. Hopefully, he’ll be reasonable about it and see your point of view. If he doesn’t, there are a few things to try so that he’ll finally get it.

Once you’ve talked to your partner about including his best friend LESS in your relationship; that should be the end of it. However, if it’s not, and he continues to put her ahead of you, it may be time to go out and find your OWN best friend: a male, of course. This is known as giving him a taste of his own medicine. Show him how it feels to be left at home while you go out for a night on the town with your best friend. Be sure to bring your best friend along on outings and trips with you and your partner. Actually, this could work better than you had hoped if HIS best friend and YOUR best friend hook up.

If his best friend has a partner of her own, you may try sitting down and talking things over with him. It may be that he’s just as frustrated as you are with this friendship and the two of you can work together to tone things down a notch. It’s certainly worth a shot.

Only use an ultimatum as a last resort. Men can be pretty strange creatures when it comes to telling them what they can and cannot do. If you make him choose between his best friend and you, things may not work out like you want them to. Even though he’s not having a sexual relationship with his best friend, he may decide that he would still rather keep her in his life and get rid of you. If that happens, all you can do is chalk it up to a lesson learned. Next time, you’ll know what to watch for in the BEGINNING of a relationship rather than spotting it after you’ve settled in.

Your Man Just Hit on Me…

A situation that comes up more often than anyone would like to admit is the one where your boyfriend, fiance or husband actually hits on a good friend of yours. It’s definitely one of the more humiliating things that can happen to anyone and it’s also one that’s very difficult to know how to handle. There are many things that come to mind at first, but there are also other things to consider before making an immediate decision.

To begin with, you need to consider the source. Is the person telling you that your man just hit on her a reliable person? Or is she someone that has been known to be jealous of you in the past and has lied to you on more than one occasion? If that’s the case, you’ll want some definitive proof that she’s not lying to you this time before you start throwing your man’s clothes out onto the front lawn. Witnesses would be ideal but they usually aren’t part of the equation as even a man stupid enough to hit on his woman’s friend will be smart enough to do it privately. So you’ll have to take another route in sniffing out the truth.

The best method to try is taking them both by surprise. Get them both together in front of you and confront him with what you’ve been told. Unless your man is an exceptional liar, you’ve probably noticed little things he does when he’s not being completely truthful with you. Watch him closely because you don’t want to miss that first involuntary response from him when you make the initial accusation. You should be able to tell if he’s guilty as charged.

Now, if he DID actually hit on your friend, you’re most likely going to want to know why. Ask the question if you really want the answer. But you’re still going to need to decide whether he stays or goes. Can you ever trust him again? Probably not. Has this ever happened before while you’ve been together? It may have. Was he drunk when he made the pass? Does it really matter? The bottom line is that he was TRYING to cheat on you and that’s not acceptable in a monogamous relationship.

So unless you want to entertain the idea of threesomes and swapping, this is one man that you probably will want to send on his way. Don’t put yourself through the agony of worrying about whether or not he can be trusted around your friends. You should be able to have attractive friends without limiting yourself to only those that probably will be old maids until they leave the earth. There should be trust between the two of you and if you’ve got to worry about whether or not he’s in the hall bathroom trying to feel up your best friend, it’s simply not worth it. Help him pack and take away his door key. Then you can find someone that’s worthy of you and who won’t behave like a wild animal in heat with anyone other than you.

Help! My Boyfriend is Gay!

You’ve been dating the same guy for a year or more and he’s all you’ve ever wanted in a man. He’s amazingly handsome, sensitive to your needs, chooses the perfect gifts, and sex is usually more about you than him. Your friends tell you how jealous they are that you’ve got someone like this in your life. Life is beautiful and you look forward to a long and happy life with this man.

Suddenly, everything comes to a screeching halt. He sits you down and tells you that he has something to talk about with you. It’s easy to tell that it’s serious because he seems to be very nervous and on the verge of tears. You take his hands and tell him that there’s nothing that the two of you cannot get through together. Then he drops a bomb you were totally NOT expecting. It seems that he’s come to realize that he’s gay.

There will be many questions that you’ll have and you have the right to ask them.  If he’s as great as you think he is, he’ll do the right thing and answer all of them as honestly and kindly as he can. Next, there will be some decisions to be made, particularly around your relationship. This isn’t as simple as it would seem.

First of all, there’s the fact that he’s been dating you for so long that it’s highly possible that he’s bisexual with a heavy leaning toward men. If that’s the case, your relationship may not HAVE to end; that is if you’re willing to share him at least on occasion. On the other hand, he may now be telling you because he’s met someone that he wants to pursue a same sex relationship with.

There are so many things that you’re going to need to think through. The first one may be that you’re so in love with him that you think you’ll do anything to keep him with you even if it means that may have to share him sometimes with another man. In reality, this isn’t something that you may be able to handle.  Most people want a committed relationship with one partner and if this describes you, it bears some thinking about how you would feel being left alone while your partner was out on a date with a man.

Consider that he’s telling you because he’s made a decision of his own. He has decided that this isn’t a part of himself that he can ignore any longer and he’s going to act on it. If he asks for your forgiveness, friendship and support in coming out, try to keep in mind that this is a man you’ve loved for a while and probably still do love. The kindest thing to do for both of you is to let him go. It’s the only way that you’ll both be able to get on with your lives. Try not to hate him or resent him. When you’ve given yourself time to heal, he may be the best friend you’ve ever had or could ever have.

Surviving a Relationship Break Up

Not all relationships are meant to last. In fact, most of them are simply stepping stones to the main event. Because of this, you’ll most likely experience several relationship break ups as you move through your life. While this is true, it’s also true that each break up will most likely hurt equally and you’ll spend too much time wishing that you could make the pain go away. Believe it or not, there are ways to survive a break up without too much wear and tear on your heart.

First of all, let yourself feel the grief. Many people compare the ending of a relationship to the death of someone they care about. Actually, it IS a sort of death. That’s why you need to deal with the grief that you feel. Give yourself time to absorb the fact that your relationship is over and let that pain wash over you. Then, after a suitable mourning period, take the steps to putting your life back in balance once more.

Don’t turn away your friends. They only want to help and, besides, you’ll need someone to talk to. Friends that you trust can be the best thing that you can do for yourself in your time of pain. They’ll do everything they can to help you move through this negative point in your life because they care about you.  This support will help you immeasurably; so let them be there for you.

Get rid of everything that makes you feel sad all over again about the end of the relationship. This means pictures, gifts, clothing or anything else that you may have kept as a memento of this time in your life. If you can’t bear to totally throw it all away, pack it up and let a friend keep it for you until you’re at a point where you can deal with seeing it again.

Don’t jump right back into the dating game immediately. However, it’s a great idea to go out with friends and have some fun. When you isolate yourself, it only makes things worse. So you need to be out and about with people that care about you.

Try to force some positive thinking. It won’t be easy at first. Actually, it may be impossible. But if you try to think of at least one positive thing every day, you’ll eventually find that these positive thoughts come to you unbidden. Basically, the more you make yourself smile, the easier it will become. Before you know it, these smiles will be genuine.

Just like a death, the ending of a relationship becomes better with time. Sooner or later, you’ll find that you’re thinking about your ex less and less until, finally, one day you’ll go to bed at night and suddenly realize that you didn’t think about the past relationship once all day. That’s when you know that the worst is over. You’re well on your way, then, to completely recovering and moving on with your life.

Signs That You Should Keep Him

It can be really hard to find the right guy, the one that you want to spend a lot of time with, and possibly even the rest of your life. Things can start out really well and even continue to go well for a long time. But it’s hard to decide if he’ll change into another person once you decide to commit to yourself.

There are some signs you can look for to help you decide if he’s someone you want to keep around. Have a look at these and take note of them:

• He calls you at least once a day just to say “I miss you” or “I love you.” This is one of the sweetest things that a guy can do for his girl. It shows you that you’re on his mind even when he’s away from you and he wants you to know that.
• He serves you coffee in bed in the morning, or even a full breakfast. If he’s willing to “wait on you” in this manner, you can tell he really cares about you. It shows you that he doesn’t expect things to be divided up into “his and her chores.”
• He remembers special occasions like the anniversary of your first date, first kiss, your birthday and other occasions. Best of all, he remembers these days with no prompting from you.
• You receive “I love you” gifts from him. For no reason other than that he wants to do it, he’ll send you flowers or buy you a special gift.
• He knows when you need some time to yourself without being told and without whining about it. Instead, he’ll make arrangements to do something on his own with friends so that you can be alone.
• He plans, shops for, and cooks meals for the two of you. When he’s completed cooking the meal, he serves it to you.
• Housework doesn’t faze him. He’ll help you with cleaning and will even do the laundry.
• He treats you as his equal. You’re a partner, not someone that doesn’t matter and who should be subservient to him.
• The two of you can easily compromise on how you’ll spend your nights or days out. He doesn’t demand you watch sports events or attend them constantly if you don’t like them. However, if you’re going to get him to the ballet with you, be prepared to attend a sports event with him.
• He never pushes you, but instead, he’ll stand back and respect decisions you make.

Obviously, if you can find a guy with all of these qualities, you may want to lock him in a cage or something to make sure he doesn’t get away. However, if you can find someone with just a few of them, you’re still way ahead of the game. The problem that most people have is when they find a guy like this, there isn’t any chemistry. Thus, lending credence to the myth that nice guys finish last. Keeping in mind that chemistry IS important, if you meet a guy with these qualities, you may want to give the chemistry a chance, too!

How to Tell If He Likes You or Thinks of You as Just Friends

Many times, women develop crushes or totally fall in love with their male best friends. Since it’s very possible that your friend adores you on some level, at the same time, he would probably be shocked to find out that you had feelings for him that went beyond those of friendship.

Therefore, it’s better to have an idea of how he really feels for you before professing your undying love for him. There are some simple ways to tell if you should keep quiet and find a real boyfriend or not.  Here are some examples:

• It’s funny to him every time his parents ask when the two of you are going to start dating for real.
• He asks you to be his “plus 1” date for a wedding because he can’t find a “real” date to go with him.
• He tends to come to you for relationship advice.
• If you go to see a movie together, he likes to keep an empty seat between you so that you’ll both have more space.
• He asks for your help in editing his profile for an online dating site.
• He calls you by your last name a lot, just like the buddy you are.
• When you wear a low cut top, he never even notices your cleavage.
• He introduces you as his best friend or his sister.
• He finds one of your girlfriends hot and asks you to set him up with her.
• His bathroom habits are an open book to you and he doesn’t try to hide anything from you.
• He’s constantly checking out other girls right in front of you.
• He makes sure that pictures of the two of you on social networking sites don’t lead to the impression that you’re together.
• He gets a brand new puppy and honors you by naming it after you.

As you can see, these are pretty obvious ways to tell that he’s not sharing your feelings of a romantic love and a chance of a real relationship. If you’re experiencing any or all of these signs with your guy friend, chances are you won’t be choosing a wedding dress anytime soon. In fact, it’s probably better if you just keep your feelings to yourself and maybe keep your distance from him for a while until you can get control of your feelings.

Now, if you’re looking at this list and thinking that those signs don’t mean anything, that he could still fall in love with you, certainly it can happen. But usually it doesn’t happen off of the big silver screen or one of those chick flick Lifetime movies.

However, if you’re so determined that you won’t know the true answer until you tell him how you feel, go for it. Just be prepared for him to be really uncomfortable and to feel kind of awful yourself. It’s truly better to kind of hint around at things in this situation rather than come fully clean and speaking from the heart. In that way, no one gets embarrassed and your friendship is still intact.