To Rekindle an Old Flame or Not

Some of the hottest and most passionate relationships usually take place between couples of teenage years. Nothing is more lustful than two teenagers in love. It also hurts the most when it ends. Many times, if the ending happens for reasons other than the couple is just tired of each other and ready to move on, the love becomes unrequited. Even though these two individuals may move forward in life and even go on to marry other people, they never forget their first love. This love is something that may never leave them no matter how far they travel.

That’s why it’s very tempting to rekindle an old flame if the opportunity presents itself. You’ve probably heard many tales of how couples that have been separated for years suddenly find themselves back together and realize they still have the same feelings for each other as they did when they were a couple the first time around. Those are very possible and very heartwarming stories. However, it doesn’t always turn out that way. Many times, it’s just the fervent wish to revisit a time in life where the feelings were exciting and the couple was beautiful.

There has to be a better way to tell if you should rekindle an old flame or not, and there IS. First of all, put away your feelings from long ago. Then be very honest about how your NEW feelings are at seeing your old love from so long ago. This step is true whether it’s been 3 years or 30.  You can’t allow those past feelings to completely rule decisions you make in the present. So Rule Number One is to deal with your feelings in the present and don’t be overly influenced by the past.

Now that you understand Rule Number One, it’s going to be confusing to learn what Rule Number Two is because that rule tells you to remember the moments of your past relationship with your old flame. Some of those moments can be very important, particularly if these are warnings of why you shouldn’t become involved with him again. Were you mistreated by this old flame in the past? Did he cheat on you? Did he abuse you in some way? If that’s the case, it’s very important to recall those moments because chances are slim that he’s changed much over the years in that regard.

Once you get past Rule Number One and Rule Number Two satisfactorily, you move into Rule Number Three. That one has you paying close attention to how you feel when you come face to face with your old flame. Is that spark truly still there for both of you? If so, and the conditions are right, then you should definitely test the waters a bit and see how they feel. That doesn’t mean that you should hop into bed with him immediately. It means that you should be open to exploring whether or not things can actually go somewhere this time around. It may be the best decision you ever made.

Is Dating Married Women A Good Idea?

By some estimates, as many as 15% of married women will have an affair at some point during their marriage. That works out to approximately 4.5 million women in the United States alone. What this means is that there is a real possibility that you will have a chance of dating married women at one time or another. Here are some things to think about before you decide whether or not to do it.

One of the things men seem to like about dating married women is the physical passion that is often present. Perhaps the woman isn’t being satisfied, and has now turned to you to fulfill her needs. This may be great for a few nights of lustful passion, but there won’t be any real emotional attachment. Some guys love the idea of all of the romance without any of the feelings, but what they don’t realize is that the physical aspect is so much better when true feelings are being shared.

“We’re getting a divorce.” I have a friend who has dated a married woman for more than ten years now, and she is still telling him that she and her husband are on the verge of getting a divorce. The papers have been filed, not filed, misplaced, refiled, almost finalized, retracted, but they are still married. What’s going on? People often feel it’s immoral to date somebody who’s married, but if they are “going through a divorce”, then they can justify it by saying the woman isn’t “really” married.

This isn’t meant to scare you, but you should know that a lot of murders are the result of “love triangles”. These crimes of passion happen quickly; often without warning. What happens is you think things are going fine, that her husband doesn’t know anything, but then the wife confesses what she has done, or the husband finds out in some other way. In reality, they should only be mad at the person who has done them wrong, but the anger and jealously can quickly bubble over and get out of control. Now, that’s not to suggest that dating married women will make you the victim of a murder, but you should know that it is a risk; no matter how remote.

There is another thing to consider before dating married women, and that is your motivation. What is it that attracts you to married women? Is it a feeling of control, or a lack of control? Does it make you feel better than her husband in some way? Is it out of anger? Is it the thrill? Whatever your motivation, ask yourself if it could be satisfied by dating the right single women. If not, then you may need counseling to see if there are deeper issues.

Whether or not you decide to start dating married women is, ultimately, up to you. You need to consider several different things. It is better to be informed before deciding, and the above points should help you to make a better decision.

Is it Love, Lust or a Nervous Breakdown?

David Coverdale of the band Whitesnake sang “Is this love that I’m feeling?” many years ago, and this truly does seem to be the age old question that still doesn’t have a clear cut answer to it. You experience so many of the same emotions when you’re first falling in love as you do when you simply are lusting for someone. It can be next to impossible to determine which you’re feeling until you go ahead and give into your lust only to find out that it burns itself out in a short time.

Actually, in the beginning, you’re most likely not going to know whether you’re falling in love or not.  Both love and lust bring about such reactions as:

• Severe butterflies in the stomach
• Not being able to eat
• Not being able to sleep
• Thinking of nothing else but this new person
• Talking of nothing else but this new person and driving your friends away with your constant chatter on the subject
• Leaping to answer the phone whenever it rings only to hate the person on the other end when it’s not the object of your affection
• Becoming panicked when you don’t hear from your obsession for a full day
• Facebook stalking
• In person stalking
• Finding even the most appalling habit this person has to be cute and endearing

There are more signs, but you get the idea. These are all symptoms of new love, infatuation, lust, or that you’re possibly losing your mind. When you think about it, some of these could very well be signs of a mental illness.

The issue will be trying to figure out just what’s happening to you and whether you should try to get a new relationship off the ground, have sex a few times and then leave, or see your doctor. There are a few helpful hints that might aid you in deciding whether you’re in love or just want to have sex with this person. Then you can make the decision.

First of all, give it a little time to see if your obsession calms down and morphs into something a bit saner. If it does, and you still have favorable feelings and an attraction to this person, chances are you’re on the road to a possible long term relationship. In fact, giving the situation enough time is truly the only way to tell if you’ve found a great person that you’re in love with, or whether you simply were scratching an itch.

A big thing to watch for is if those terrible habits that were so cute before have now begun to appall you, embarrass you and simply irritate you. If this is the case, you probably don’t love this person after all. The biggest sign, however, that you’re ready to move on is when the thought of sex with your former obsession makes you nauseous. When that happens, it’s time to close this particular door and walk away.

Is It Love? Or Lust?

Love or Lust?

When you get involved with someone it is often hard to tell in the beginning if you are infatuated with them or if you are in fact falling in love with them. One reason this is so difficult to discern is because many of the signs of love and infatuation are pretty close to the same. It is not until some time has passed that you can really tell the difference and by then it is often too late to do much about it.

When you first meet a person you may feel drawn to that person. This is often defined as being attracted to someone. The more you talk to this person the more drawn you feel making you want to spend more time with them. The more time you spend together the stronger this connection becomes. This is where you have to be careful because things can get kind of confusing at this point.

At this point you may find that you have trouble going to sleep at night or you are not really interested in eating much. For that matter very few things interest you if they do not involve the person that you have suddenly found yourself so attracted to. While this is technically referred to as being lovesick this does not necessarily mean that you are in love.

When you reach this stage you often find yourself jumping when the phone rings hoping it is your ‘other half’ and feeling huge disappointment when you discover that it isn’t. This is fairly normal in new relationships and doesn’t really give you a definitive answer either way on whether it is love or lust.

During this time you find yourself forever checking your appearance making sure everything is perfect when you know you are going to see this other person. When you are at this stage of a relationship you think everything about each other is perfect and the conversation never stops. You never get tired of spending time together and find that you just can’t seem to keep your hands to yourselves.

Even at this point it is often difficult to tell the difference between true love and lust. But after a couple of months the answers begin to become a little clearer. It is at this time that the ‘newness’ begins to wear off of the relationship. You begin to notice that you can tolerate being apart more than before. This does not necessarily mean that you are not in love but it does mean that the relationship is not as intense as it was in the beginning.

Now is when you will start to be able to tell the difference between love and lust. If your relationship has progressed to this point yet you still want to spend time with each other this is a good sign that it might be more than just a fleeting infatuation. The important thing is that you allow the relationship to get to this point before getting carried away to the point that you are already making wedding plans. Don’t rush it, and let the relationship flourish naturally before you make any long term commitments.