Your Man Just Hit on Me…

A situation that comes up more often than anyone would like to admit is the one where your boyfriend, fiance or husband actually hits on a good friend of yours. It’s definitely one of the more humiliating things that can happen to anyone and it’s also one that’s very difficult to know how to handle. There are many things that come to mind at first, but there are also other things to consider before making an immediate decision.

To begin with, you need to consider the source. Is the person telling you that your man just hit on her a reliable person? Or is she someone that has been known to be jealous of you in the past and has lied to you on more than one occasion? If that’s the case, you’ll want some definitive proof that she’s not lying to you this time before you start throwing your man’s clothes out onto the front lawn. Witnesses would be ideal but they usually aren’t part of the equation as even a man stupid enough to hit on his woman’s friend will be smart enough to do it privately. So you’ll have to take another route in sniffing out the truth.

The best method to try is taking them both by surprise. Get them both together in front of you and confront him with what you’ve been told. Unless your man is an exceptional liar, you’ve probably noticed little things he does when he’s not being completely truthful with you. Watch him closely because you don’t want to miss that first involuntary response from him when you make the initial accusation. You should be able to tell if he’s guilty as charged.

Now, if he DID actually hit on your friend, you’re most likely going to want to know why. Ask the question if you really want the answer. But you’re still going to need to decide whether he stays or goes. Can you ever trust him again? Probably not. Has this ever happened before while you’ve been together? It may have. Was he drunk when he made the pass? Does it really matter? The bottom line is that he was TRYING to cheat on you and that’s not acceptable in a monogamous relationship.

So unless you want to entertain the idea of threesomes and swapping, this is one man that you probably will want to send on his way. Don’t put yourself through the agony of worrying about whether or not he can be trusted around your friends. You should be able to have attractive friends without limiting yourself to only those that probably will be old maids until they leave the earth. There should be trust between the two of you and if you’ve got to worry about whether or not he’s in the hall bathroom trying to feel up your best friend, it’s simply not worth it. Help him pack and take away his door key. Then you can find someone that’s worthy of you and who won’t behave like a wild animal in heat with anyone other than you.

If You Cheat On Your Partner, Should You Confess?

Cheating seems to be much too commonplace these days and a lot of people have a very cavalier attitude about it. Many people assume that it’s just something that will happen and feel that monogamy is an unnatural state for humans to put themselves into.

Other people prefer a monogamous relationship, but will simply “accept” that their partners cheat on them. They don’t LIKE it, but figure there’s not a lot they can do about it. This is typically the attitude of women more than men as it is long been felt that “boys will be boys.” While that attitude may have worked back in the day, it should be accepted that it is now the 21st century and things are not the same as they were once upon a time.

Women have a right to expect fidelity from their partners, just as men do. That dividing line is no longer there in most circles, and that’s the way it should be. In other words, what’s good for the goose is also good for the gander these days.

The definition of cheating seems to be something that is worked out between the partners in each relationship. For some, there IS no “wiggle room.” There will be no cheating, period. Other couples agree on certain rules and guidelines when it comes to what is acceptable and what isn’t.

The question comes up when a partner has actually broken the rules set within his or her relationship. This question is: Should this person confess the cheating to his or her partner? There is no one correct answer to this question as there are so many aspects to consider for each individual situation.

Consider that you’ve succumbed to temptation and cheated. However, you realized instantly that it was a mistake and you have resolved never to repeat it. Before rushing off to confess your indiscretion to your partner, think about a few things first:

1. Is there any way that your partner could find out about what you’ve done?

2. Is this something that you’ve done before and always promised yourself that you’d never repeat it or is this truly the first time?

3. Will confessing to your partner make YOU feel better but cause pain and misery for your partner?

Now, if this is something that you’ve never done before and you’re immediately ashamed, think hard about why it happened. What’s different in your relationship now? What was it about this particular person that made you go through with cheating? Those are important questions for you, and only you, to answer in the beginning. Figure out why you cheated so that it won’t happen again.

If your partner will be devastated by this news, and you’re really serious about never doing it again, it may be best to keep your secret and suffer in silence. Confession may be good for your soul, but harmful to your relationship.

The biggest reason to confess is if there’s a real danger of your partner finding out. In that case, this is news that should come from you and no one else.