Blind Dates Aren’t Always Nightmares

Blind dates have always received a bad rep for the most part. These are events that truly frighten people whether they’ve ever been on a blind date or not. That’s because, many times, they were set up by thoughtless people that didn’t even really consider how much the potential couple may actually have in common. Admittedly, these types of blind dates CAN and usually ARE complete nightmares, but it doesn’t have to always be that way.

In this current age of dating services and online dating websites, blind dates are almost the norm now. Of course, you DO have the option of getting to know the person you’re considering going on a date with prior to the date itself because of the online contact between the two of you. There’s chatting, exchange of emails, and even phone calls, if you want. By the time you actually meet for coffee or dinner, you’ve got somewhat of an idea about the person you’re meeting.

True blind dates are an entirely different matter. These happen when your best friend sets you up with her brother in law, cousin in law, guy from her husband’s office, or a variety of other choices. You’ve never laid eyes on this guy and know absolutely NOTHING about him, yet, you’ll be having dinner with him at your friend’s home. It is blind dates of this sort that can be trouble. If you haven’t been consulted at all prior to this date, it can be even worse.

However, look at it from another viewpoint. Suppose that your friend, sister, or whoever is setting you up on this blind date, has spoken at length with you about the qualities you must have in any man that you would consider having a relationship with. Suppose, also, that this person has spent time telling you all about the man that you’ll be meeting. In fact, you almost feel as if you know this man by the time the actual date comes about. Assume that the man in question has also undergone the same process regarding you. When it’s these things that have been considered before a blind date, there’s a very good chance that you and this new man will hit it off.

Another thing that is a better idea for blind dates is to double date. So when you meet this new man, you know that there won’t be any chances of those uncomfortable silences when you don’t know what to say. If you’ve got really good friends, they’ll know if the time comes that they should make themselves scarce and let the two of you get better acquainted. On the other hand, they’ll also be able to see if the entire exercise is one in futility, and they’ll know to call it a night at an appropriate time.

When there’s enough preparation beforehand, many blind dates turn out to be very successful and can even end in marriage. The thing to remember is that they must be orchestrated in just the right way to stand a chance of working out.

Commitment-Phobic Men

So many men these days tend to have serious commitment issues. These men have no issues with dating one woman for a while. They may even take over a drawer in your dresser and leave a toothbrush and razor in your bathroom. Then, one day, you decide that it may be a great idea if he just moves in with you, but when you bring it up, his response is that he feels that maybe the two of you are moving too quickly. He feels that you two need to take a break and see other people for a while.

This can mean a couple of different things. He may have already met someone else that he’s interested in dating and was just waiting for a time to tell you. However, when you brought up the moving in thing, it gave him the perfect opportunity to put the brakes on things with you and move on to the next one.

Something else it can mean is that he’s horribly commitment shy and he sees moving in together as a commitment of sorts. He probably feels that while it’s not marriage, it may be a stepping stone to that much more serious commitment. In this case, there’s nothing you could have done that was going to make this connection turn into a true relationship. You’ve hit on one of his true fears or phobias just by inviting him to move in with you.

Chances are, with either of these scenarios, you’ll most likely never hear from him or see him again. He’s going to get as far away from you as possible because you’ve made it clear in a subtle way that you expect something from him that he’s not prepared to give. He’s certainly not ready now, with you, and he may never be ready to make a serious commitment in his entire life.

There are many men that don’t ever plan on getting married and they’re happy to be lifelong bachelors. Single women would do well to steer clear of them because no matter what they may think, they’ll most likely not be playing Annette Benning to their Warren Beatty. The best thing that you can do when you first meet a man that you find fascinating is to subtly find out what his views are on marriage and commitment. If you’re the marrying type and he’s not, you’ll want to move on quickly and not invest any time or emotion into this man. He’s only going to break your heart.

On the other hand, if you’re a bit commitment phobic yourself, these are the perfect men for you to get involved with. You’ll both have lots of fun and probably amazing sex, and then you’ll move on when the novelty wears off.  Only you can decide whether you must have a solid commitment from someone or not, but hopefully, this is a decision you make before you start dating him. In that way, you can both avoid a lot of hurt and guilt feelings.

Help! My Boyfriend is Gay!

You’ve been dating the same guy for a year or more and he’s all you’ve ever wanted in a man. He’s amazingly handsome, sensitive to your needs, chooses the perfect gifts, and sex is usually more about you than him. Your friends tell you how jealous they are that you’ve got someone like this in your life. Life is beautiful and you look forward to a long and happy life with this man.

Suddenly, everything comes to a screeching halt. He sits you down and tells you that he has something to talk about with you. It’s easy to tell that it’s serious because he seems to be very nervous and on the verge of tears. You take his hands and tell him that there’s nothing that the two of you cannot get through together. Then he drops a bomb you were totally NOT expecting. It seems that he’s come to realize that he’s gay.

There will be many questions that you’ll have and you have the right to ask them.  If he’s as great as you think he is, he’ll do the right thing and answer all of them as honestly and kindly as he can. Next, there will be some decisions to be made, particularly around your relationship. This isn’t as simple as it would seem.

First of all, there’s the fact that he’s been dating you for so long that it’s highly possible that he’s bisexual with a heavy leaning toward men. If that’s the case, your relationship may not HAVE to end; that is if you’re willing to share him at least on occasion. On the other hand, he may now be telling you because he’s met someone that he wants to pursue a same sex relationship with.

There are so many things that you’re going to need to think through. The first one may be that you’re so in love with him that you think you’ll do anything to keep him with you even if it means that may have to share him sometimes with another man. In reality, this isn’t something that you may be able to handle.  Most people want a committed relationship with one partner and if this describes you, it bears some thinking about how you would feel being left alone while your partner was out on a date with a man.

Consider that he’s telling you because he’s made a decision of his own. He has decided that this isn’t a part of himself that he can ignore any longer and he’s going to act on it. If he asks for your forgiveness, friendship and support in coming out, try to keep in mind that this is a man you’ve loved for a while and probably still do love. The kindest thing to do for both of you is to let him go. It’s the only way that you’ll both be able to get on with your lives. Try not to hate him or resent him. When you’ve given yourself time to heal, he may be the best friend you’ve ever had or could ever have.

Dealing With Your Obsession with a Man

The symptoms of obsession are pretty clear to everyone other than the women that are suffering from this disorder. If you’re not sure, ask yourself these questions:

• Do you think about him constantly?
• Do you call him several times every day?
• Do you stalk his Facebook?
• Are you depressed when you feel that he’s avoiding you?
• When your phone rings and it’s not him, do you hate the person calling?

If you answered yes to these questions, you’re definitely obsessed with this guy. It also is very important that you correct this situation before it ruins your life.

The first thing you should know is that being obsessed is NOT normal. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says. Thinking about someone constantly to the point that you’re miserable, there’s a definite problem that has nothing to do with the man but everything to do with you.

It’s toxic to be obsessed for many reasons. You’re putting your entire life on hold when you’re obsessed. This has a huge negative impact on your life overall that you can’t see.

Feeling obsessed over someone usually starts when you know you can’t have this guy. It’s your mind that cannot accept that he’s never going to feel the same way for you that you do for him. This makes you feel bad. To get rid of this feeling, you start doing things that you believe will change the situation. Calling him constantly, stalking him, and spying on him will not do anything except push him even further away.

You should know that it’s not going to be easy to get past these awful feelings. It is hard work and you’re going to have to do it. The reason it’s hard is because you MUST stop doing all of these things because they’re just going to hurt you. Once these feelings start to fade, you’ll feel much better.

When you find yourself leaning towards doing some of those obsessive actions, try making a list of your thoughts. Put on your list things like:

• If I feel like stalking his Facebook, should I?
• How will I feel if I do it?
• If the answer is negative, ask yourself what else you can be doing right now to help yourself?

Then list some possible things that you can be doing like:

• Go for a walk
• Spend time on a hobby
• Work out
• Call a friend
• Play catch up with work
• Walk your dog
• Cook

You put down these ideas or anything else you can think of. Once the list is finished, you’ll have plenty to do to keep you occupied. Do this every time you’re tempted to act out obsessed behaviors.  If you do this for several days in a row, you should have more control of your obsession.

Keep in mind that you’ll still have obsessive thoughts during this time. This will be when you’ll need to decide what you really want to do: Feel better or give into the obsessive behavior that will only make you feel worse.  The only way out of your situation is to choose a positive path.

My Last Girlfriend Was a Lunatic!

How many times have you heard this from guys that you’re newly dating? You know the drill: You meet this really great looking guy that seems to have everything you’ve ever wanted in a man. There are a few dates where you spend time getting to know each other. Eventually, when discussing past relationships, he utters those dreaded words: “My last girlfriend was a lunatic!” Immediately, you go on the alert. The next few minutes just might make or break this budding new relationship.

The first thing you want to do is encourage him to talk. Tell him that you want to hear all about how things went with his last girlfriend and why she was so insane. Now, a man who is actually telling you truth will most likely not be so eager to give you details. In fact, he may try to change the subject so that the conversation now focuses on you.

If you’re feeling little alarm bells going off, though, you need to re-direct the focus back to him and the crazy ex-girlfriend. Ask him questions that he must either answer or say he doesn’t want to talk about the relationship. You can remind him that he really can’t just throw something like that out there and expect you not to want to know more.

Listen to his story and see how you feel about what he’s saying. If the ex was a stalker type, or tended to destroy his things when he walked away, you can offer your sympathy, and move on. He just may be telling you the truth. A good sign that he isn’t exaggerating is if he has some positive things to say about some of his ex-girlfriends with only one psycho in the group.

On the other hand, if every one of his ex-girlfriends were insane, or they cheated on him, or didn’t want to let him go to the point of  acting in the extreme, there may be something else going on here that you don’t want to be a part of. When you meet a guy where EVERY SINGLE ONE of his ex-girlfriends was psychotic or slutty in some way, the problem may not be the ex-girlfriends. The problem may lie within the man.

Ok, so SOME men can have all the bad luck in the world when it comes to women. However, the odds are greater that it’s not always the women.

If there seems to be a pattern in the women that this guy chooses, there can be several reasons for it:

1.  He may actually be a great guy that just cannot read women well.

2.  He may be a magnet for damaged women.

3.  He may just be addicted to the drama that comes along with mentally unstable girlfriends.

Whatever the reason, if this guy seems to have only horrible ex-girlfriends in his past, you may want to cut your losses while you can. Otherwise, you’ll be added to the list of insane girlfriends the next time this guy shares his unhappy past to a new woman.

Things Men Say and What They REALLY Mean

There’s actually a sort of code when men say certain things to women. The problem is that women aren’t usually clued in as to what these guys are really saying. So it’s time to have a look at some of these things in case your guy starts saying any of them to you. At least you’ll be a bit more prepared the next time you hear one of these phrases uttered by your man:

-  “I’ve decided to begin therapy.” For many men, this is definitely a step in the right direction. If he has issues and has recognized that fact, then going into therapy is huge. However, what can start happening now is that he gains an ally. This ally is probably going to be totally pro-him and anti-you. He may start coming home from his appointments sharing his feelings with you. The problem is that these feelings are full of all the things you do that are wrong and detrimental to him.

-  “I’m not in the mood to have sex.” This is a huge red flag because most guys tend to want to have sex all the time. Now granted, they may have an off day here and there, but if this is turning into an every night thing and you’re better acquainted with your shower massager than your man, it’s time to get to the bottom of his issue. If you can’t, it may be time to move on.

-  “I can’t seem to stop crying.” Men that are in touch with their emotions are wonderful to be with. However, there can be a limit to just how many tears you want to see. For a death in the family, sure, he’s going to cry. But do you really want him to be sitting beside you sobbing in a public theater at a romance movie? If you’re starting to feel like you’re the man in the relationship, you might need to find a real man of your own.

-  “I just turned in my two week notice at work.” This one can be wonderful if he follows it up with sharing his plans for a great new career that he’s decided to embark upon. In fact, you probably couldn’t be happier for BOTH of you. However, if he doesn’t seem to have any other job prospects in mind and hasn’t shared how he plans to pay his portion of the bills, if you’re living together, then you may have a problem. He may be expecting you to play Mommy to him and take care of everything.

-  “There’s something I need to tell you.” When a guy says this to you, brace yourself because something bad is coming. These conversations never end well.

-  “I think we need to take a break.” The relationship is over but he just doesn’t have the nerve to tell you. So he takes the wimpy way out. In fact, he may already have another girl on the side that you just haven’t found out about. Do him a favor and end the relationship permanently.