To Rekindle an Old Flame or Not

Some of the hottest and most passionate relationships usually take place between couples of teenage years. Nothing is more lustful than two teenagers in love. It also hurts the most when it ends. Many times, if the ending happens for reasons other than the couple is just tired of each other and ready to move on, the love becomes unrequited. Even though these two individuals may move forward in life and even go on to marry other people, they never forget their first love. This love is something that may never leave them no matter how far they travel.

That’s why it’s very tempting to rekindle an old flame if the opportunity presents itself. You’ve probably heard many tales of how couples that have been separated for years suddenly find themselves back together and realize they still have the same feelings for each other as they did when they were a couple the first time around. Those are very possible and very heartwarming stories. However, it doesn’t always turn out that way. Many times, it’s just the fervent wish to revisit a time in life where the feelings were exciting and the couple was beautiful.

There has to be a better way to tell if you should rekindle an old flame or not, and there IS. First of all, put away your feelings from long ago. Then be very honest about how your NEW feelings are at seeing your old love from so long ago. This step is true whether it’s been 3 years or 30.  You can’t allow those past feelings to completely rule decisions you make in the present. So Rule Number One is to deal with your feelings in the present and don’t be overly influenced by the past.

Now that you understand Rule Number One, it’s going to be confusing to learn what Rule Number Two is because that rule tells you to remember the moments of your past relationship with your old flame. Some of those moments can be very important, particularly if these are warnings of why you shouldn’t become involved with him again. Were you mistreated by this old flame in the past? Did he cheat on you? Did he abuse you in some way? If that’s the case, it’s very important to recall those moments because chances are slim that he’s changed much over the years in that regard.

Once you get past Rule Number One and Rule Number Two satisfactorily, you move into Rule Number Three. That one has you paying close attention to how you feel when you come face to face with your old flame. Is that spark truly still there for both of you? If so, and the conditions are right, then you should definitely test the waters a bit and see how they feel. That doesn’t mean that you should hop into bed with him immediately. It means that you should be open to exploring whether or not things can actually go somewhere this time around. It may be the best decision you ever made.

How to Have a Successful Long Term Relationship

A lot of people go into a new dating relationship with the hope that it will become something wonderful and last long term. They may even want it to grow into a marriage where they will start their own family. If you’re someone that’s looking for a long term relationship, there are ways that you can turn this exciting new dating relationship into just that. You just have to know how to go about turning this new relationship into something deeper and more evolved.

First of all, don’t let the excitement and newness of your relationship wear off. You know how exciting everything is when you first start dating someone new. Everything sets off sparks at first: The first time your hands touch, or your first hug, and definitely that first kiss. While you’re most likely simply infatuated with each other during this time, it’s still a white-hot phase during the relationship.  You love being together all the time and you just can’t get enough of each other.

This can be so consuming that it may not be totally healthy and you certainly can’t keep the feeling going like this forever. You would both be like meteors heading toward earth and burning out on the way. However, this is the easy part of relationships. The work comes in when you want to make it last.

Although the first stage of dating is wonderful, the next level can be even better. This is when you know each other better and your connection has solidified into something that’s very meaningful. Now it’s time to see where the relationship will go. Ask each other important questions such as : Do you both want to get married? Do you both want to have kids? Can you agree on where to live? What things do you have in common? These are all the important questions that must be answered before the relationship should go any further. You certainly don’t want to wait until you’re married to find out that you don’t agree on any of those things.

When the questions have been asked and answered, it’s time to start talking about where you want things to go next. Obviously, it’s not a good idea to rush into things. Taking the time to really get to know each other is the best way to ensure that you’re on the right path. There’s a lot to be said for long engagements even when the first thing you may want to do is marry this person. If you’re meant for each other, don’t worry because you’ll still want to get married a year later.

The only thing you need to do once you have found your soul mate is to make sure that the excitement stays in the relationship. Always have time for each other no matter what else is going on in your life. It’s also a great idea to have some time together as an official couple before bringing children into the mix. They’re wonderful little bundles of joy but they can put a huge damper on the romance in your relationship. So go slow and know what the two of you want as a couple.

When is it Time to Throw in the Towel in a Relationship?

Too many people try to stay together when it’s clear to both parties that there’s nothing between them any longer. The reasons for this are many and varied. It could be that they don’t want people to know they failed, or they can’t stand the idea of failing themselves.

Time invested in the relationship can be another issue. If you’ve been with someone for 10 years or more, then you probably hate to think that you’ve wasted so many years of your life with someone that you’re not going to end up with forever, after all.

No matter what the reasons are that you’re hanging on to a dead relationship, you need to seriously consider whether or not it’s time to throw in the towel and walk away. Many times, the relationship may not be dead. It just may be in a coma and you need to find ways to revive it. As many of the signs for a comatose relationship and a dead relationship can appear to be the same at first, you’ll need to spend some time in assessing your relationship to see which category it falls into.

If you and your partner just aren’t connecting any longer, it may be time to see if the spark can be reignited before instantly assuming that you’re not in love anymore. It simply may be time to “test” the relationship a bit to see whether it can be salvaged or not. You may be shocked to find out that there’s a lot of love still there.

Your check list for whether or not your relationship is over includes:

• Do you still get that little jolt of happiness when you see your partner after having been apart, or is it a feeling of dread that lies in the pit of your stomach?
• Do you miss your partner when you’re away from each other, or is it a time of relief and relaxation for you?
• Do you have actual conversations about things other than the weather, bills, or the kids?
• Do the two of you make plans to do romantic things together?
• Is sex still fun or is it a chore?
• Do you still feel a positive connection to each other that’s almost spiritual in nature, or do you simply tolerate each other?
• Have either or both of you developed a wandering eye when you should be focused on each other?
• Have either of you cheated?
• How do you feel when you think about being without your partner forever?

As you move down this list, answer these questions as honestly as possible. It’s important that your answers are truthful. Otherwise, this exercise won’t work. Your answers will be very “telling” as to whether or not your relationship is over or simply needs a bit of work to get it back on track. Whatever your decision is, you need to be committed to following it through for the sake of both of you. It’s the only way to reclaim personal happiness.