Help! His Best Friend is a Woman
by Dating Tips
Filed under Dating Tips For Women
It’s certainly not uncommon for a man to have a woman as his best friend. While it’s not uncommon, it CAN become problematic if the relationship is closer than a romantic relationship will ever be for either of them. Sex certainly does not have to be involved for a man and a woman to be monumentally close. It happens all the time with Internet relationships. However, if your partner has a female best friend and she seems to be more a part of your lives and relationship than you would like, you need to do something to change that.
Of course, the first thing you need to figure out is if there’s actually anything inappropriate with their friendship. If your partner is spending hours on the phone with his best friend on a regular basis to the extent that he’s ignoring you; that’s a problem. When you and your partner go out for the evening, if she always has to tag along or, worse yet, he makes plans to go out with her ALONE; there is a very big issue. If she’s invited by your partner to come along on your vacations, then you may definitely want to mention it to him.
Basically, if your partner is treating his “best friend” more like a girlfriend, you’ve got every right to make your feelings known. Hopefully, he’ll be reasonable about it and see your point of view. If he doesn’t, there are a few things to try so that he’ll finally get it.
Once you’ve talked to your partner about including his best friend LESS in your relationship; that should be the end of it. However, if it’s not, and he continues to put her ahead of you, it may be time to go out and find your OWN best friend: a male, of course. This is known as giving him a taste of his own medicine. Show him how it feels to be left at home while you go out for a night on the town with your best friend. Be sure to bring your best friend along on outings and trips with you and your partner. Actually, this could work better than you had hoped if HIS best friend and YOUR best friend hook up.
If his best friend has a partner of her own, you may try sitting down and talking things over with him. It may be that he’s just as frustrated as you are with this friendship and the two of you can work together to tone things down a notch. It’s certainly worth a shot.
Only use an ultimatum as a last resort. Men can be pretty strange creatures when it comes to telling them what they can and cannot do. If you make him choose between his best friend and you, things may not work out like you want them to. Even though he’s not having a sexual relationship with his best friend, he may decide that he would still rather keep her in his life and get rid of you. If that happens, all you can do is chalk it up to a lesson learned. Next time, you’ll know what to watch for in the BEGINNING of a relationship rather than spotting it after you’ve settled in.
Commitment-Phobic Men
by Dating Tips
Filed under Dating Tips For Women, Marriage & Weddings
So many men these days tend to have serious commitment issues. These men have no issues with dating one woman for a while. They may even take over a drawer in your dresser and leave a toothbrush and razor in your bathroom. Then, one day, you decide that it may be a great idea if he just moves in with you, but when you bring it up, his response is that he feels that maybe the two of you are moving too quickly. He feels that you two need to take a break and see other people for a while.
This can mean a couple of different things. He may have already met someone else that he’s interested in dating and was just waiting for a time to tell you. However, when you brought up the moving in thing, it gave him the perfect opportunity to put the brakes on things with you and move on to the next one.
Something else it can mean is that he’s horribly commitment shy and he sees moving in together as a commitment of sorts. He probably feels that while it’s not marriage, it may be a stepping stone to that much more serious commitment. In this case, there’s nothing you could have done that was going to make this connection turn into a true relationship. You’ve hit on one of his true fears or phobias just by inviting him to move in with you.
Chances are, with either of these scenarios, you’ll most likely never hear from him or see him again. He’s going to get as far away from you as possible because you’ve made it clear in a subtle way that you expect something from him that he’s not prepared to give. He’s certainly not ready now, with you, and he may never be ready to make a serious commitment in his entire life.
There are many men that don’t ever plan on getting married and they’re happy to be lifelong bachelors. Single women would do well to steer clear of them because no matter what they may think, they’ll most likely not be playing Annette Benning to their Warren Beatty. The best thing that you can do when you first meet a man that you find fascinating is to subtly find out what his views are on marriage and commitment. If you’re the marrying type and he’s not, you’ll want to move on quickly and not invest any time or emotion into this man. He’s only going to break your heart.
On the other hand, if you’re a bit commitment phobic yourself, these are the perfect men for you to get involved with. You’ll both have lots of fun and probably amazing sex, and then you’ll move on when the novelty wears off. Only you can decide whether you must have a solid commitment from someone or not, but hopefully, this is a decision you make before you start dating him. In that way, you can both avoid a lot of hurt and guilt feelings.
Dealing With Your Obsession with a Man
by Dating Tips
Filed under Dating Tips For Women, Unhealthy Relationships
The symptoms of obsession are pretty clear to everyone other than the women that are suffering from this disorder. If you’re not sure, ask yourself these questions:
- Do you think about him constantly?
- Do you call him several times every day?
- Do you stalk his Facebook?
- Are you depressed when you feel that he’s avoiding you?
- When your phone rings and it’s not him, do you hate the person calling?
If you answered yes to these questions, you’re definitely obsessed with this guy. It also is very important that you correct this situation before it ruins your life.
The first thing you should know is that being obsessed is NOT normal. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says. Thinking about someone constantly to the point that you’re miserable, there’s a definite problem that has nothing to do with the man but everything to do with you.
It’s toxic to be obsessed for many reasons. You’re putting your entire life on hold when you’re obsessed. This has a huge negative impact on your life overall that you can’t see.
Feeling obsessed over someone usually starts when you know you can’t have this guy. It’s your mind that cannot accept that he’s never going to feel the same way for you that you do for him. This makes you feel bad. To get rid of this feeling, you start doing things that you believe will change the situation. Calling him constantly, stalking him, and spying on him will not do anything except push him even further away.
You should know that it’s not going to be easy to get past these awful feelings. It is hard work and you’re going to have to do it. The reason it’s hard is because you MUST stop doing all of these things because they’re just going to hurt you. Once these feelings start to fade, you’ll feel much better.
When you find yourself leaning towards doing some of those obsessive actions, try making a list of your thoughts. Put on your list things like:
- If I feel like stalking his Facebook, should I?
- How will I feel if I do it?
- If the answer is negative, ask yourself what else you can be doing right now to help yourself?
Then list some possible things that you can be doing like:
- Go for a walk
- Spend time on a hobby
- Work out
- Call a friend
- Play catch up with work
- Walk your dog
- Cook
You put down these ideas or anything else you can think of. Once the list is finished, you’ll have plenty to do to keep you occupied. Do this every time you’re tempted to act out obsessed behaviors. If you do this for several days in a row, you should have more control of your obsession.
Keep in mind that you’ll still have obsessive thoughts during this time. This will be when you’ll need to decide what you really want to do: Feel better or give into the obsessive behavior that will only make you feel worse. The only way out of your situation is to choose a positive path.
Dealing with an Addictive Relationship
by Dating Tips
Filed under Relationship Tips, Unhealthy Relationships
You may or may not recognize being in an addictive relationship. The symptoms will be clear but, just like all addicts; you won’t necessarily acknowledge the addiction. It is not easy to deal with this kind of relationship once you’re solidly in it. These relationships don’t produce happiness. In fact, you’ll most likely be miserable with feelings of pain, regret and guilt. You may also be a little angry, bitter and sad.
Addictive relationships are some of the most destructive forces you’ll ever face, and it gets worse the longer it lasts. The hardest part is to admit to yourself that you’re in an addictive relationship. However, it’s the first important step to take. An addictive relationship only makes you stressed and you won’t feel loved or cared for. It just makes you feel worthless, tired, with no self-esteem while making you desperate for affection.
Sadly, addictive relationships are all too common. The reasons they develop are many and varied. You may have watched your parents’ relationship when you were young and thought that was normal even if it wasn’t. Also, you may have not had love and affection when you were a child and you feel it’s normal to be treated this way in a relationship.
If you want to make some positive changes in your life, you’ve got to admit what you’re involved in. It’s common to be in denial and you need to be honest with yourself. If you’re not sure if your relationship is addictive or not, ask yourself if you make excuses for the way your partner behaves or cover up his or her bad behavior to others. If this is normal behavior for you, most likely your relationship is addictive.
When you know this, it’s hoped that you’ll want out of it. The first thing you should do is talk about it. Tell your story to friends or family, if you can. Seek out a relationship counselor.
Sometimes fear keeps you paralyzed. This can be fear that you’ll never find anyone else to love, fear of starting over, fear of getting involved with the same type of partner or fearing that you’ll be alone. Don’t ever fall into the trap of believing that a bad relationship is better than none at all. While you heal from this destructive relationship, your confidence and self-esteem can rebuild.
The most important part of recovering from emotional addiction is to make yourself the priority. Invest time into breaking all of your old bad habits. Look back on previous relationships to find signs of emotional abuse or dependency. If you spot a pattern forming, it’s time to break that as well. Concentrate on what you need and on moving forward. This will help you break those chains of negativity.
Trying to get love from someone who can’t give it is truly pointless. You’ve got to regain control over yourself as well as your environment. That’s when you can break the destructive pattern of addictive relationships and start over.
Journaling to Deal With a Breakup
by Dating Tips
Filed under Breaking Up
The end of a relationship can be one of the most painful and devastating experiences of your life. It’s hard to know how to handle pain that’s as severe as this can be. You may want to scream, cry and break things. That’s a natural response and it may even be encouraged as long as you don’t hurt yourself or anyone else in the process.
However, there is another way to help yourself get through this very rough time and it’s probably something you never thought of. This particular aid to your grief is called journaling.
Writing has always been known to be very therapeutic because you’re getting your feelings out even if they aren’t directed at the person you feel has hurt you. The good thing, though, is that you can say anything you want. Whatever you’re thinking and feeling, you can write it down for your eyes only. No one else will see what you’ve written unless you decide to show it to someone else. Having a journal that you can write in is something that can make you feel a lot better once you’ve gotten everything out of your system.
Journaling is also very helpful when your ex refuses to talk to you anymore or have any contact at all with you. This enables you to write out everything that you’re feeling about having been discarded and abandoned. You can be brutally honest in your journal about what happened.
This is particularly helpful if you were the one that was actually at fault. For instance, if you cheated on your ex and got caught, this is a great place to rationalize why you cheated on someone that you truly love. Maybe by writing it all out, you can come to a conclusion as to why it all happened.
If you are the partner that was wronged, writing it down is a great way to work through everything. Try to analyze why these things happened to you and what part you may have played in the break up. Look at it from all angles and see what you could have done differently. As you’re figuring all this out, write it down so that you can see in front of you what mistakes you don’t need to repeat.
Many times, just taking the time to write in a journal will clarify things in a way that you may not have seen if you had not taken the time to write it all down. You may learn some very important things in doing this. When you see mistakes that have been made, it’s easier to not repeat those. You may even spot problematic patterns that keep rearing their ugly heads over and over again. If you can do that, you’ll head off a lot of unforeseeable relationship issues.
If you’ve just been through a difficult breakup, or even if the breakup happened a long time ago and you’re not over it, write about it in your journal. No matter how long or short it’s been since your breakup, writing about it in your journal can still offer some much needed help.
If you’ve been journaling for a while and feel you want to make a go of getting your ex back, The M3 System is a great coach for going about this in exactly the right way to ensure the best possible chance for success. Click here to check out our M3 System Review.
Things Men Say and What They REALLY Mean
by Dating Tips
Filed under Dating Tips For Women, Relationship Tips
There’s actually a sort of code when men say certain things to women. The problem is that women aren’t usually clued in as to what these guys are really saying. So it’s time to have a look at some of these things in case your guy starts saying any of them to you. At least you’ll be a bit more prepared the next time you hear one of these phrases uttered by your man:
- “I’ve decided to begin therapy.” For many men, this is definitely a step in the right direction. If he has issues and has recognized that fact, then going into therapy is huge. However, what can start happening now is that he gains an ally. This ally is probably going to be totally pro-him and anti-you. He may start coming home from his appointments sharing his feelings with you. The problem is that these feelings are full of all the things you do that are wrong and detrimental to him.
- “I’m not in the mood to have sex.” This is a huge red flag because most guys tend to want to have sex all the time. Now granted, they may have an off day here and there, but if this is turning into an every night thing and you’re better acquainted with your shower massager than your man, it’s time to get to the bottom of his issue. If you can’t, it may be time to move on.
- “I can’t seem to stop crying.” Men that are in touch with their emotions are wonderful to be with. However, there can be a limit to just how many tears you want to see. For a death in the family, sure, he’s going to cry. But do you really want him to be sitting beside you sobbing in a public theater at a romance movie? If you’re starting to feel like you’re the man in the relationship, you might need to find a real man of your own.
- “I just turned in my two week notice at work.” This one can be wonderful if he follows it up with sharing his plans for a great new career that he’s decided to embark upon. In fact, you probably couldn’t be happier for BOTH of you. However, if he doesn’t seem to have any other job prospects in mind and hasn’t shared how he plans to pay his portion of the bills, if you’re living together, then you may have a problem. He may be expecting you to play Mommy to him and take care of everything.
- “There’s something I need to tell you.” When a guy says this to you, brace yourself because something bad is coming. These conversations never end well.
- “I think we need to take a break.” The relationship is over but he just doesn’t have the nerve to tell you. So he takes the wimpy way out. In fact, he may already have another girl on the side that you just haven’t found out about. Do him a favor and end the relationship permanently.
5 Easy Ways to Know if They Are Interested in You
by Dating Tips
Filed under Attraction, Dating Tips
Someone has caught your eye and you would like to get to know them better, but you’re not sure if they even know you exist, let alone if they would like to spend more time with you. How can you get a feeling for their interest? Here are 5 suggestions:
1. Go somewhere with a group of mutual friends and pay attention to how the person you are interested in responds to what you do and say. Do they stick by your side most of the evening? Do they listen intently to everything you say? Is there frequent eye contact between the two of you? All of these could indicate a higher level of interest than just being “one of the gang.”
2. If you are planning to go with a group of your friends to something such as a Museum or Zoo outing, ask the person you are interested in if they would like to come with the group, but not necessarily just as your date. If they are eager to come and your interactions while out with this group are positive, it could indicate that there is a possibility that a more personal date with you might be welcome.
3. If things seem to be going well in a group environment, and you feel positive about this person’s feelings for you, ask him or her if they would be interested in going out to get something to eat after the group excursion is over. Or maybe just a cup of coffee – something non-threatening. If they accept, that’s great! If not, maybe their reason at the moment is justified. Maybe they would be happy to have dinner with you another time. You should be able to tell by their attitude. In any event, it’s a less threatening way to ask someone out after being together in a group environment than just a “cold call” kind of approach.
4. Are the two of you college classmates, or peers at the same company? Ask him or her for help with something you are doing. Be sincere and make sure the person you are asking has the knowledge or experience to help you with your request. You will be able to tell by their reaction if they are interested in helping you because they are interested in YOU, or just because they’re a nice person and want to be helpful.
5. A non-threatening way to give someone a gift is to support a local fundraiser, either through your College or workplace. This is especially nice around the romantic holidays, such as Valentine’s Day. You will show them that you thought of them and that you support the fundraising program, two points in your favor.
One thing to keep in mind is that anyone you might be attracted to, if they are worth your time, should be flattered if you let them know that you are “interested” in them. So, don’t be shy about expressing your interest. If they are the type of person you think they are, they will let you know in a kind way whether they reciprocate your feelings or not.
How to Tell If He Likes You or Thinks of You as Just Friends
by Dating Tips
Filed under Attraction, Dating Tips For Women
Many times, women develop crushes or totally fall in love with their male best friends. Since it’s very possible that your friend adores you on some level, at the same time, he would probably be shocked to find out that you had feelings for him that went beyond those of friendship.
Therefore, it’s better to have an idea of how he really feels for you before professing your undying love for him. There are some simple ways to tell if you should keep quiet and find a real boyfriend or not. Here are some examples:
- It’s funny to him every time his parents ask when the two of you are going to start dating for real.
- He asks you to be his “plus 1” date for a wedding because he can’t find a “real” date to go with him.
- He tends to come to you for relationship advice.
- If you go to see a movie together, he likes to keep an empty seat between you so that you’ll both have more space.
- He asks for your help in editing his profile for an online dating site.
- He calls you by your last name a lot, just like the buddy you are.
- When you wear a low cut top, he never even notices your cleavage.
- He introduces you as his best friend or his sister.
- He finds one of your girlfriends hot and asks you to set him up with her.
- His bathroom habits are an open book to you and he doesn’t try to hide anything from you.
- He’s constantly checking out other girls right in front of you.
- He makes sure that pictures of the two of you on social networking sites don’t lead to the impression that you’re together.
- He gets a brand new puppy and honors you by naming it after you.
As you can see, these are pretty obvious ways to tell that he’s not sharing your feelings of a romantic love and a chance of a real relationship. If you’re experiencing any or all of these signs with your guy friend, chances are you won’t be choosing a wedding dress anytime soon. In fact, it’s probably better if you just keep your feelings to yourself and maybe keep your distance from him for a while until you can get control of your feelings.
Now, if you’re looking at this list and thinking that those signs don’t mean anything, that he could still fall in love with you, certainly it can happen. But usually it doesn’t happen off of the big silver screen or one of those chick flick Lifetime movies.
However, if you’re so determined that you won’t know the true answer until you tell him how you feel, go for it. Just be prepared for him to be really uncomfortable and to feel kind of awful yourself. It’s truly better to kind of hint around at things in this situation rather than come fully clean and speaking from the heart. In that way, no one gets embarrassed and your friendship is still intact.