Is There Room in your Relationship for a Baby?

For centuries, it was customary for couples to marry and begin reproducing as soon as possible. In fact, many women were severely depressed if they were unable to conceive and men felt that they had been stuck with a “barren” woman, thereby rendering her defective in some way. Of course, it rarely occurred to most of these men that the fault may rest with THEM and not their wives. At any rate, that’s just how things were. My, how the times have changed.

These days, couples aren’t in quite as much of a hurry to start adding to their family as in days gone by. Most of the time, both partners usually have individual careers that they want to get off the ground.  Since the woman is the one that will need to give her up body and time to the pregnancy and birth, she usually is the one that will have more say so in when the actual reproduction process will begin.

Something else that has become a bit more common is couples that are so into each other that they may not have room in their relationship for a baby. This isn’t to say that they’re selfish or self-involved. It only means that they really love each other and have such a strong bond between them that it may be hard to fit in someone else into the relationship. These couples have planned their lives out for the most part. They like traveling together and they love participating in nightlife activities. Picking and going somewhere at the last minute is also something they love. The spontaneity and the freedom of being able to do things at the drop of a hat is something that doesn’t happen once you’ve become parents.

Admittedly, these freedom loving couples are looked upon as odd, but the truth is, these couples are the ones that know what they want in life and aren’t ashamed or afraid to admit it. Not all couples are meant to be parents. If you and your partner fall into this category, you should be proud and relieved to understand this about yourselves and the sort of lifestyle you want to lead. Couples that know what they want are the happiest in life.

If you and your partner have an active and spontaneous lifestyle that keeps you on the go and keeps you both happy, you may never want to include children of your own in your relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that, either. In fact, when you want your kiddie “fix,” you can always offer to babysit for nieces, nephews and god children. That’s a situation that gives you and your partner some time to enjoy the company of children and gives their parents a much needed break.

If you and your partner have chosen not to become parents, you should be aware that there will always be someone that will be judgmental and be sure that something’s “wrong” with you. Try to be patient with those people because they will most always have closed minds.

Can You Have a Successful Relationship with an Adventurer?

Do you remember when you first got together with your great new boyfriend? Everything was so perfect! He’s funny, gorgeous, smart and everything that you’ve ever wanted in a man. You’re starting to believe in fairy tale endings because everything is going so well.

You may even have started to look at wedding dresses once in a while when no one is looking. Then it all comes crashing down around you when he alerts you that he’s going to be backpacking in Europe for the summer, and you don’t seem to be invited.

It’s hard to know how to react to that because you thought the two of you were getting along so well. At the same time, he’s behaving as if what he’s doing is nothing unusual. The more you talk to him about it, the more you find out that it actually IS NOT unusual for him. It seems that you’ve managed to hook up with an adventurer. He’s a guy that must be on the move as much as possible. It’s a part of his life and he’s not interested in giving it up for any reason; not even you.

Even though this type of lifestyle isn’t all that uncommon for certain people, if you’ve never met anyone like that, it may come as a shock to you. It most likely will become even more confusing when this guy tells you that it doesn’t change how he feels about you or anything to do with your relationship. All it means to him is that he’s going off on a trip for a while and will come back to you when he’s done.

But what does it really mean to you when the man you thought you were going to be in a permanent relationship with plans to just take off when he feels like it for months at a time?

There are many things to consider:

For one, how does he finance these little ventures? Is he independently wealthy, save up for them, or take odd jobs while he’s travelling around? Except for the independently wealthy part, he’s probably not holding down a serious job if he’s traveling around a lot. It would seem as if he works at odd jobs all the time to make just enough money to have a place to live and to finance his trips. Whatever he’s doing for money, you really need to find out the answer to that question. If the two of you become more serious, will he expect you to be financially responsible for his trips in the future?

The other thing is why does he want to go alone and not take you with him? This may point to him needing too much time alone in his life to be in a relationship.

These things are just the beginning of what you need to figure out. The bottom line is if he’s planning to take off when he pleases and it doesn’t bother him to be away from you for months at a time, that’s really not much of relationship. Will it be enough for you?

When the Differences are Too Many for a Successful Relationship

Commonality is something that all relationships need a bit of in order to work out and be long term. This is always a better thing when each of you likes a lot of the same things. That list would include things like the same types of music, movies, the same activities, and agreeing on religion.

Lots of couples tend to have little in common on the surface, yet they get along famously and maintain great relationships. Most likely, these couples have learned how to balance the differences in their personalities and have actively searched for common interests to home in on so that they will have some things that they can do together. It can be done in many cases, but for others, the differences can be just too much for sustain a relationship.

In the very beginning, when you’ve just met someone and are getting to know them, it’s time to find out what this person’s interests are. This is when you need to ask questions that are pertinent to you and your lifestyle. The answers that you get will give you the springboard you need to decide if this is a potential relationship that you want to pursue.

There are many things that you can get past when it comes to having differences in likes and dislikes. However, there are other things that need to be looked at closely before moving ahead. For example, if one of you is a devout fundamentalist Christian and you’re a practicing Pagan, chances are you wouldn’t ever meet up in the same places anyway. On the other hand, if you’re a Catholic and he’s of the Jewish faith, many couples have made this particular situation work. It only becomes a bit complicated if the couple decides to have children but the solution reached is usually a fair one for everyone.

Differences in such things as music and movies don’t have to be a deal breaker, either. This is where compromise comes into play. You agree to go to a wrestling match if your partner will attend the ballet or opera with you. In time, such things may actually grow on you a bit.

The point is that couples can still be individuals even when they are in a relationship with each other. It can even become more interesting when there are plenty of differences. It helps each partner be more involved in learning new things.

For example, if one of you is really into camping and the other one’s idea of camping is a night spent at the Motel 6, if you start out easy, you may find that camping can bring you lots of pleasure. Of course, then your partner must agree to that night or weekend in a high end hotel or a romantic bed and breakfast of your choosing.

It’s really all about compromising. However, if you love curling up by the fire on a rainy day with a good bestseller and your partner’s idea of reading is guffawing through a comic book, you may want to look closely at what life will be like with this person.

Bringing Your Gay Lover Home to Meet the Family

Nothing is better than finally meeting the partner of your dreams after you’ve firmly and completely come out of the closet. Families are usually split about half and half these days when it comes to how they react to being told that their son or daughter is gay. Some families are very supportive of their child’s lifestyle while others are hurt, angry and in denial.

Sadly, many people lose their families over their sexual orientation. For those that still have their families in their lives, there will come a day when you’ll want to bring home your lover to meet them. The only reason that this can be a bit different than any straight person introducing the love of his or her life to the family is because there are so many varied degrees of acceptance that a family can be at.

First of all, if you have a supportive and loving family that wants only your happiness, you’ll have an easy time of it when bringing home your lover for the first time. All you’ll need to do is to call your family well ahead of time so that they can prepare. This is no different from a straight person preparing to bring home a lover. You’re just being considerate in case there’s any cleaning or cooking that your family wants to do before your arrival. When you and your partner arrive, introduce him or her to your family and allow them some time to get acquainted.

If you’ve only recently come out to your family and they’re still grappling with the news, you may need to tread a bit lightly. Make a date for you and your partner to meet with your family ahead of time. This gives you a chance to gauge how your family really is taking the news of your lifestyle. If you feel safer on your own territory, host a lunch or dinner at your home. In this way, you give your family an escape route if they start feeling uncomfortable. Keep things light and don’t be overly affectionate with your partner until everyone has adjusted.

For families that simply refuse to accept who you are, there’s not a lot you can do. In fact, you probably don’t want to subject someone you love to the treatment that he or she will most likely receive at the hands of homophobic family members. Tell your partner about your family. Show him or her photos and tell stories about your childhood. Let your partner get acquainted with your family through your words. In that way, if your family ever turns around and decides to love you and accept you unconditionally, your partner will at least be somewhat familiar with them.

Families are meant to be important. However, if your family cannot seem to accept you and your newfound happiness, you may need to move forward in your life without them as a part of it. It’s not your fault. You deserve to be happy. If they can’t be happy with you, they don’t truly love you. Move on with your partner.