Overcoming Shyness Around Women

Most of the time, men are the ones that do the asking for dates. Men have to approach the women, say the right words and hope she accepts the invitation. This is nerve-wracking at best for most guys – especially shy men.

But if you’re sitting at home waiting for her to ask you out, you’re making a big mistake. Chances are, she won’t. If you’re shy and you haven’t been sending signals, she’s not even going to know that you’re interested.

And some women won’t ask a man out just because there’s still that unspoken rule for some that the guy should do the asking. If you fear asking a girl out because you may get rejected, you’re not alone.

It happens, but not asking anyone out is pretty much going to guarantee that you’ll be spending your Saturday nights by yourself or with your Poker buddies for many years to come.

Shyness stems from a fear of rejection. You’re afraid to approach, talk and ask, because she might not show an interest in you. The beauty is that there are literally billions of women on the planet, and many of them are single, within your age range, like the same things you like, and are looking for someone like you.

The best things you can do for yourself if you’re shy about asking women out is to do it until you get over your shyness and hesitation. You have a list of reasons not to do this as long as your arm, but really the best thing you can do for yourself is to just get practice until it becomes second nature.

Ask women out who you think you want to date – choose your targets and just do it. Here’s how:

1. Appear positive, relaxed, and approachable. Greeting her with a nice smile and starting off with a simple “Hi” or “Hello” are simple ways to break the ice.
2. Can’t think of anything to say? Ask her some open ended questions that will allow her to do much of the talking. For example: “What do you think of this class?” can get the ball rolling if you are in school or college. It demonstrates that you are interested in her thoughts and opinions.
3. Realize that you will get shot down sometimes. Everybody does. But you have to start somewhere.
4. Practice. You can do this in front of a mirror, with a recorder or with a trusted friend. Practice asking a woman out that you’ve met before and you at least know a little bit. For example: “I’ve got two tickets for the Red Sox game this Saturday, would you like to join me?” Or, “Have you been to the new Thai restaurant on Third Street? I’m planning on trying it out, but I can’t find anyone else willing to try it – would you like to join me?” She will either say yes, no, or “Oh, I can’t, I’ve made plans for Saturday.”
5. If she says she already has plans, that doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t want to go out with you. You won’t know for sure whether she’s making it up or not. Don’t stand there and say, “Well, how about Tuesday, or next Saturday?” because you’ll look desperate. Smile and say, “Okay, well maybe next time.” Be friendly and try again in a few weeks.

You have to be willing to take some risks if you want to date. You are going to get turned down on occasion – just chalk that up to experience and move on. It’s not something you should ever take personally, because not every woman is going to like you and you’re not going to like every woman.

Overcoming shyness around women mainly boils down to practice, practice, and more practice. Another good way to practice is to join an online dating service and send out winks and/or smiles (usually free) to a few women who seem interesting to you. If you get a response, keep a dialog going through email for a bit and get to know her. Then it will be easier to ask her out once you’ve had a chance to discover her interests. After all, she’s most likely a member of the dating service for one major reason – to meet single men like you!