Why Living in the Past Can Ruin Your Life

When a relationship ends for whatever reason, a lot of people have problems with moving on with their lives. Instead of trying to deal with their pain and heal so they can have a happy future, they mope around and moan and groan about how horrible their lives are. Worse yet, they will spill their misery to everyone that will listen just how awful they were treated during the break up.

There are many ways to tell if you’re one of these people that are refusing to move on. No one wants to subject their friends to this sort of behavior for long periods of time. Sure, your friends will listen to you and do everything they can to help you get through this tough time in your life, but after a while, they’re not going to want to hear nothing EXCEPT your break up and how unhappy you are.

So the first thing you’ll notice is that your friends, even your best friends, are starting to pull away from you. That’s something you should definitely pay attention to.  No, don’t blame it on them. If they’ve been by your side for the last six to twelve months, and all you can do is talk about your ex, chances are pretty good that you’ve worn them out.

Something else that tells you that you’re not moving on is when you spend all of your spare time looking at picture albums of you and your ex and re-reading your diary written when you and your ex were together.  While you sit and go through these things night after night, you’ve got songs on your CD player that were special to you when you were part of a couple. You simply won’t let those things go.

You refuse to go out with friends and have some fun. Instead, you stalk your ex on Facebook and grill your mutual friends for information about your ex. You’re not moving forward with your life when all of your focus is still firmly on your ex and the life that the two of you once had.

The question you need to ask yourself is just how is dwelling in the past going to help you to enjoy a happy future? The answer, whether you want to admit it or not, is that you won’t have a happy future. You’re going to be 80 years old and still alone, spending your days and nights poring over your old photo albums, diaries and listening to songs that are a half century old. Is that really what you want?

When you decide to stay firmly entrenched in the past, there’s simply no way to live happily in the present while moving into a future that’s promising. Living in the past and clinging to a relationship that’s never going to happen again, will gain you nothing except a very lonely and sad existence. Don’t let that happen to yourself. Do what you can to let go of the ex that will never return and open yourself up to all of the romantic possibilities right in front of you.

Dating and Hygiene

For most people, how to have proper hygiene is something they learned in health class when they were in school. They had to take tests on the subject and everything in order to pass that class. Since they had to study this topic, one would think that some of it should have stuck.

It would also seem that taking good care of your body and being clean is common sense. However, there is an amazing number of people that simply don’t find it necessary to engage in good hygiene. Whether they’re too lazy or just don’t care, it’s still a sad state of affairs when an adult just refuses to be clean.

While that’s definitely hard to understand, there’s an even odder phenomenon that seems to go along with that. These individuals that refuse to do even the basics of cleaning themselves up also find it very difficult to understand why they can’t get anyone to go out with them. That’s rather amusing as well as amazing because you would think that, at some point, they would catch onto what the problem is.

Now, just to make it easy to know what needs to be done in order to have good hygiene, following is a check list so that there will be no excuses for being dirty and smelling bad:

• Bathe regularly. Even when you think you’re not dirty, if you’re planning to go out with someone special or you’re just going out on the hunt, bathe anyway. This includes shampooing your hair. Oily hair is just not attractive.
• Use deodorant daily. Don’t assume that you’re not reeking of body odor. Seriously, just don’t take the chance.
• Brush your teeth, and gargle with mouthwash if you have any on hand. Fresh breath is a huge part of good hygiene. No one wants to kiss someone that’s too busy or lazy to brush their teeth. Smelling of onions isn’t a turn on for most people either.
• Wear clean clothes. When you’re sitting around your home by yourself, you can wear any smelly old clothes you want.  However, if you’re going out on a date with someone that you really want to impress, always wear something that looks decent and is freshly laundered.

Now, those are the basics. Add to that other things such as dressing appropriately for the locale that you’ll be going with your date. A black tie restaurant shouldn’t have you sporting jeans and a t-shirt. On the other hand, that exact outfit may work out just fine if you’re going to see a movie or playing a round of miniature golf. You need to use your best judgment and common sense with things such as that.

If you feel that you’re not such an unattractive person, yet you keep having trouble landing dates, look very closely at the above list and make doubly sure that you’ve done everything on the list. As long as you pay attention to being clean and smelling good, everything else should simply fall right into place.

Competing with a Deceased Partner

With people living longer these days, chances are that members of the older population will find themselves dating widows or widowers at some point. This can be either a lovely and happy coupling or it can be a very sticky situation. It totally depends on whether or not the living partner has made peace with the passing of their partner and is ready to move on in life. Unfortunately, that’s not usually something you’ll find out until you actually go out with this person.  Even worse, it may not even become evident until you’ve enjoyed several dates that you’re competing with a deceased partner.

Basically, there’s usually not a way to successfully compete with a partner that has passed on. One of the main reasons for this is that once a loved one has died, he or she becomes a saint in the eyes of the partner that was left behind. Friends and family members are often stunned at the transformation of a deceased partner. This person could have been the meanest tempered, most abusive individual that ever walked the earth, but once they’re gone, their surviving partner remembers them as sweet tempered people that never did any wrong in their lives. If you’re dating someone that has selective memory, you’re in trouble right out of the gate. Nothing you do is ever going to measure up to the deceased saint.

Now, if you’re about to start dating a widow or widower, there are some clues that will help you early on before you waste too much time with this person.  The time that has passed since the partner died will mean a lot in whether the surviving partner is ready to start dating. For some people, six months is plenty of mourning time. For others, ten years may not be enough. So be sure to find out in some discreet way how long the deceased has been gone.

Something else that can be very telling is the interior of the widow or widower’s home.  If you walk in and find a very prominently placed shrine to the deceased partner, you’ll probably want to keep your contact to just the one date.  When there are still tons of pictures sitting around of the good old days, there’s a good chance that the living partner is still dwelling in the past.

If every other sentence from your date begins with “When my Harold was alive” or “Anna always did this or that,” you should probably be prepared for this to be a short term friendship.  This is not the attitude of someone who is ready to move forward in life. You’re not being uncaring or rude if you decide not to wait around, either. You’re simply being realistic.

On the other hand, if you hook up with someone that misses their deceased partner, but speaks in the present and the future of what they would like in their life, you just may have captured a jewel. It’s definitely worth a shot as both of you could have a great chance at a happy future together.

Commitment-Phobic Men

So many men these days tend to have serious commitment issues. These men have no issues with dating one woman for a while. They may even take over a drawer in your dresser and leave a toothbrush and razor in your bathroom. Then, one day, you decide that it may be a great idea if he just moves in with you, but when you bring it up, his response is that he feels that maybe the two of you are moving too quickly. He feels that you two need to take a break and see other people for a while.

This can mean a couple of different things. He may have already met someone else that he’s interested in dating and was just waiting for a time to tell you. However, when you brought up the moving in thing, it gave him the perfect opportunity to put the brakes on things with you and move on to the next one.

Something else it can mean is that he’s horribly commitment shy and he sees moving in together as a commitment of sorts. He probably feels that while it’s not marriage, it may be a stepping stone to that much more serious commitment. In this case, there’s nothing you could have done that was going to make this connection turn into a true relationship. You’ve hit on one of his true fears or phobias just by inviting him to move in with you.

Chances are, with either of these scenarios, you’ll most likely never hear from him or see him again. He’s going to get as far away from you as possible because you’ve made it clear in a subtle way that you expect something from him that he’s not prepared to give. He’s certainly not ready now, with you, and he may never be ready to make a serious commitment in his entire life.

There are many men that don’t ever plan on getting married and they’re happy to be lifelong bachelors. Single women would do well to steer clear of them because no matter what they may think, they’ll most likely not be playing Annette Benning to their Warren Beatty. The best thing that you can do when you first meet a man that you find fascinating is to subtly find out what his views are on marriage and commitment. If you’re the marrying type and he’s not, you’ll want to move on quickly and not invest any time or emotion into this man. He’s only going to break your heart.

On the other hand, if you’re a bit commitment phobic yourself, these are the perfect men for you to get involved with. You’ll both have lots of fun and probably amazing sex, and then you’ll move on when the novelty wears off.  Only you can decide whether you must have a solid commitment from someone or not, but hopefully, this is a decision you make before you start dating him. In that way, you can both avoid a lot of hurt and guilt feelings.

Are You the Marrying Kind?

For centuries it has been assumed that people will eventually marry and have their own families.  Years ago, it was the goal of all young women to marry and bear children. In many cultures, if girls weren’t married by the time they were 15, they were on their way to becoming spinsters.

Although, the ages of marriage have become older these days, a bit of the same beliefs have held up. Women today get married later and later in life due to the fact that they attend college and have their own important careers. It’s not unusual to see women in their 30s marry for the first time because they’ve given themselves time to get settled into their careers.

The rather unusual thing that people are seeing more and more in recent years, though, are women as well as men that never get married. For some of these people, it’s because they simply never met anyone they felt was the right person to spend the rest of their lives with. Others just didn’t want to be tied down legally to another person forever. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with this. It’s a choice.

Something that you should understand about yourself is whether or not you’re one of those people that shouldn’t be married. There are certainly ways to tell if you fit into this category, and if you find yourself in that group, it’s only fair to share this information with people you date in the event that they’re looking for a life partner.

Many people just become “set in their ways.”  This means that they have a certain routine and certain way that they like to do things and they’re not interested in changing that to accommodate someone else. You may thoroughly enjoy the company of someone special but you may also not want that person to live with you.

Are you financially independent? If so, it may bother you that you could have someone else relying on you to help them pay bills. There’s always a chance that someone you hook up with may have some financial issues that would hold you liable if you were legally attached. This is probably something else that you don’t want to get involved with.

It could be that you’re just not the caretaker type. You don’t want to be responsible for cooking for someone else or doing their laundry, and you aren’t excited about picking up after someone else. Maybe you don’t like looking after someone when they’re sick. All of these things are a part of a committed relationship, whether you’re living together or legally married.

Those are all things you need to consider seriously when figuring out if you want to be married or not. If you feel that you just don’t want all of the responsibility that goes along with committed relationships, you most likely aren’t the type of person that needs or even should be married. Don’t consider yourself deficient in any way if you feel this way. You’re not. Just be thankful that you realized it before walking down the aisle.

Are You Threesome Material?

The majority of relationships have usually always been between two partners. Whether this was a man and a woman, two men, or two women, it’s still a relationship consisting of a pair. Something that’s been emerging more and more over the last several years is that of triad relationships. The simple definition of a triad is commonly a couple dating the same third person.  In many instances, the third person moves in with the couple and they all live together.

A triad is becoming a more popular alternative lifestyle for bisexual people. These triads can consist of two men and a woman or two women and a man. In some cases of gay partners, it can be made up of three men or three women.  It totally depends on the type of arrangement that works best for you.

Celebrities have apparently been into these types of relationships for quite a while. Former adult movie actress, Nina Hartley, and her husband make a third woman a part of their relationship on a regular basis. Nina is admittedly bisexual and this is an arrangement that has worked quite well for this couple over the years. When they bring someone into their marriage as a third party, they also bring that woman into their home to live with them for as long as the arrangement lasts. In this case, a triad is very successful.

Threesomes have been around for centuries, but the triad is a bit newer and more inclusive than just as a one night fling. This is an arrangement where everyone lives together, sleeps together, and basically IS together. They go out to dinner together, see movies together, and attend parties and other social gatherings all as a triad. They don’t hide their lifestyle, either. People involved in triad simply don’t look at what they do as anything really out of the ordinary because, for them, it IS normal.

For the many women these days that are having trouble with finding the right relationship, a triad could be another option that would have them involved in a meaningful relationship in a much shorter time. Of course, if you’re not bisexual, it’s probably not something you would be interested in unless you have the chance to become involved in a triad with two men. It depends on just how open minded you are. If you’re more of a traditionalist, a triad is probably not going to work for you. However, if you’re open to trying new things, it’s certainly something that you may want to consider.

A triad is a non-traditional relationship that’s truly not for everyone, but you may surprise yourself. Most of the time, it’s all a matter of the people involved in these sorts of relationships. You may consider all sorts of alternative options just by meeting the right people that will push all of your good buttons. If not, there’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting to be a traditionalist and be in a relationship with one partner.

Are You Dating for Sex?

When it comes to dating, there are many reasons that people do it. For the most part, dating is an activity that takes place for companionship and as a stepping stone to a romantic relationship. These are the best reasons for dating and they typically work to bring two people together in a committed relationship. There’s another reason that some people go on dates, and it’s not the best one to use.

This reason is simply to have sex with someone. In this day and age of massive sexual freedom along with the numerous sexually transmitted diseases that are out there, dating just to have sex is most likely one of the worst ideas imaginable. There are also many other avenues to take if you just want a sexual encounter. Casual sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It provides a temporary physical release but can be quite emotionally and mentally unfulfilling.

For centuries, men have sought out women to pay for sex. This was never questioned even back when the French courtesans were all the rage. Prostitution has been around in one form or another always but it’s never been completely sanctioned. When women go about visiting one club after another trying to meet someone to have sex with, they’re essentially behaving like prostitutes, except they’re not paid for their favors.

If you’re using the dating game just so you can have sex, you may want to examine your true motives for conducting your life in this way. Are you fearful of committing to just one person? Have you had so many bad relationships that you simply don’t want the hassle of dealing with another one? Could you possibly be addicted to variety sex and you cannot maintain a sexual relationship with only one person? Only you can answer the questions, but you may not be able to be honest with your answers.

Suffice it to say that if you’re using dating simply as a means to have sex, something needs to be thoroughly investigated. Most women don’t have sex on the first date even though sexual values have become quite a bit looser than in years past. If you’re taking that a step further by dating only to have sex and then casting away the man you dated, there’s really a need for you to speak with someone you trust about this behavior.

It’s not only demeaning to yourself, but it’s literally dangerous to your life due to the many STDs that abound. Keep in mind that such things as HIV and herpes aren’t curable.  In fact, HIV can kill you if it turns into full blown AIDS. Is your life worth a quick roll in bed? This is very self-destructive behavior and can be deadly if you decide not to seek some help and understanding for why you behave in this way.

It’s important that you’re as careful as you can be while continuing to date for sex. That’s the least you can do to protect yourself from the negative consequences of your actions.

Are You a Candidate for Speed Dating?

In this day and age of various ways to meet someone for dating and possibly more, one of the oddest ways of doing this has stuck around and even expanded itself. It’s a fun little exercise known as Speed Dating, and is probably among the most unique methods of meeting new people there is. People seem to either love it or hate it, but rarely is anyone indifferent.

Speed Dating isn’t exactly “dating” but rather more of an interview process between two people to see if they may want to get to know each other better. These events are organized by various dating agencies. Some even specialize in Speed Dating events. They can be for any legal age or sexual orientation.  These events can be for a set age range, older women and younger men, older men and younger women, and everything else you can think of. Whatever taste exists in dating, there’s a Speed Dating event for it.

The way these work is people are either invited to participate or they discover an event on their own and want to register for it. There’s a fee charged per person and there’s usually a limit as to how many people can attend a single event. The number of attendees is an even one for obvious reasons. These are the people that are going to be spending a few minutes with each other during the Speed Dating event to see if they connect.

Usually, there are tables set up so that everyone sits across from each other when it’s their turn to chat. There will be a sound of some sort like a bell or whistle to indicate that the “dating” between the couples will begin. It’s during this time that the couples speak to each other for anywhere from three to eight minutes. They typically introduce themselves to each other and then either volunteer a bit of information about themselves or ask questions of each other. At the end of the time limit, the bell or whistle will sound again and new couples pair up to repeat the process.

At the end of the event, there is usually something social set up for drinks and snacks. During this time, anyone that was impressed with someone else they met through the speed date will give that name to the organizers of the event. This means that the organizers have permission to contact the person on behalf of the interested party.  If the person contacted isn’t interested, he or she will state that and it ends there. However, if there’s interest, then these two people will be given contact information so they can arrange for an actual date together.

Whether or not you’re a candidate for this way of meeting someone depends on the type of person you are and what your preferences are when it comes to getting to know someone. If you’re open minded and like to have some unique fun when it comes to the dating process, Speed Dating just may be a great way for you to meet someone that’s just as much fun as you are.

Signs that Your Guy is One to Keep

There are plenty of signs that let you know the guy you’re dating or are in a relationship with is Mr. Wrong. In fact, you may focus too much on trying to spot those signs that you totally miss the ones that let you know your guy’s a keeper. To make it easier to see those signs, check out the following:

• He puts you first: A man that’s truly committed to you and your relationship will make you a top priority in his life. He continues to show you that he loves you and is devoted to you and the relationship.
• He’s there for you when you need him: When you get in a tough spot, a man that really loves you will be there supporting you. He’ll be there to hold your hand or hold you up.
• He likes your quirkiness: The man you want to keep will love you because he treasures your abilities and overlooks your flaws. In fact, he may even love your flaws.
• He always shows you just how much he cares: The most important part of relationships is how your man treats you. He doesn’t have to send you dozens of red roses all the time. It’s more the little things like taking your car to fill it with gas for you or emailing you to wish you luck on something at work.
• He’s kind: You’ve probably always heard that actions speak louder than words, and this applies to how you’re treated in relationships, too.  If he’s respectful to his parents, polite to food servers and gentle with animals, then he’s an all-around nice guy. The best part is when he’s kind even though he thinks no one is looking.
• He’s reliable: You know you can depend on him and take him at his word. These kinds of men are pretty hard to find these days.
• He wants to marry you, too: There’s a huge problem when only one of you wants to get married. If he wants a life and family with you, you’ve got a keeper for sure.
• He can deal with your emotions: Women are just more emotional than men, for the most part. A man you want to keep will know how to deal with yours and will never call you “crazy” or tell you that you act “just like your (or his) mother.”
• He fights maturely: The way a man deals with any conflict thrown his way shows a lot about his character. A man you want to keep expresses his feelings, asks for things he wants and can handle constructive criticism without throwing a tantrum. He’s also a good listener.
• He’s a mature grown-up: There should actually be a drum roll and fireworks around this one. For whatever reason, too many men in the world today are just immature. They stalled out somewhere along the way from childhood to adulthood and are still stuck. If you’re with a man that’s competent and responsible, be sure to hang on tight to him. He may be the only one of these you meet in life.

If your man has even SOME of these qualities, you’re probably doing pretty well. Just choose the ones that are most important to you and don’t except anything less.

Strip Clubs Aren’t Just for Men Anymore

For many years, strip clubs, titty bars, or gentlemen’s clubs were considered only for men. In fact, the only women you typically saw in any of these establishments were the women working there. They were either the dancers, cocktail waitresses or both, depending on the level of the club. These range anywhere from dives to high end establishments that are frequented by celebrities and the girls can make thousands of dollars a night.

In the past, any man that tried to take his date to a strip bar was considered to be disrespecting her. No self-respecting woman would ever have been caught dead in one of those places. Oh my, how things have changed! With the new sexual awakening and enlightenment, you’ll find many of the upper class establishments with nearly as many female patrons as men. Lots of these couples are there on dates, too.  It’s not necessary for the women in attendance to be gay to have a good time. The music is usually great, the food can be awesome, and the women are beautiful. Why wouldn’t this be a great way to spend a night out?

It actually says a lot for couples that are secure enough to go to these clubs together. The women aren’t jealous of their men looking at other nude or nearly nude women, which usually means that they’re secure in their own right, and they don’t worry about losing their men to a stripper. They’re also showing their men that they can enjoy looking at the beautiful body of another woman. Sometimes, women will actually take their men to a strip club to celebrate a special occasion like his birthday. They may even buy him a lap dance. Many couples tip the dancers together, as in they will both tuck a bill each under a garter or whatever.

In many of these clubs, the women working there will sell dances, which means that the men can buy a dance with them conducted on the dance floor. A lot of women will also buy these dances and slow dance with the strippers as their men watch. This can sometimes be a way to act out fantasies of some sort for the couple. If a man wants to see his woman in a close situation with another woman, this is certainly a harmless way for it to happen.

There’s just something a bit decadent about the whole process of women joining their men for an evening at the strip club. It can be extremely arousing for the couple as they watch the dancers move their bodies provocatively and remove their clothes. This can be some of the most effective foreplay that any couple can enjoy. There have been many couples that have become so worked up in the club that they didn’t even make it home before having sex in their cars. There’s a lot to be said about that kind of arousal.

If you’re a woman and have never experienced an evening with your man at a strip club, it just may be time to give it a try.

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