When is it Time to Throw in the Towel in a Relationship?

Too many people try to stay together when it’s clear to both parties that there’s nothing between them any longer. The reasons for this are many and varied. It could be that they don’t want people to know they failed, or they can’t stand the idea of failing themselves.

Time invested in the relationship can be another issue. If you’ve been with someone for 10 years or more, then you probably hate to think that you’ve wasted so many years of your life with someone that you’re not going to end up with forever, after all.

No matter what the reasons are that you’re hanging on to a dead relationship, you need to seriously consider whether or not it’s time to throw in the towel and walk away. Many times, the relationship may not be dead. It just may be in a coma and you need to find ways to revive it. As many of the signs for a comatose relationship and a dead relationship can appear to be the same at first, you’ll need to spend some time in assessing your relationship to see which category it falls into.

If you and your partner just aren’t connecting any longer, it may be time to see if the spark can be reignited before instantly assuming that you’re not in love anymore. It simply may be time to “test” the relationship a bit to see whether it can be salvaged or not. You may be shocked to find out that there’s a lot of love still there.

Your check list for whether or not your relationship is over includes:

• Do you still get that little jolt of happiness when you see your partner after having been apart, or is it a feeling of dread that lies in the pit of your stomach?
• Do you miss your partner when you’re away from each other, or is it a time of relief and relaxation for you?
• Do you have actual conversations about things other than the weather, bills, or the kids?
• Do the two of you make plans to do romantic things together?
• Is sex still fun or is it a chore?
• Do you still feel a positive connection to each other that’s almost spiritual in nature, or do you simply tolerate each other?
• Have either or both of you developed a wandering eye when you should be focused on each other?
• Have either of you cheated?
• How do you feel when you think about being without your partner forever?

As you move down this list, answer these questions as honestly as possible. It’s important that your answers are truthful. Otherwise, this exercise won’t work. Your answers will be very “telling” as to whether or not your relationship is over or simply needs a bit of work to get it back on track. Whatever your decision is, you need to be committed to following it through for the sake of both of you. It’s the only way to reclaim personal happiness.

Never Judge a Book by the Cover When Dating

The dating game is hard enough without putting even more restrictions on yourself.  It’s perfectly fine to be a bit picky when looking for good dating material because you never know when one of these dating partners will turn into something long term. Also, it’s important to have chemistry with someone or a relationship will never successfully develop between the two of you. However, it’s important that you don’t become one of those people that try to judge someone by appearance.

The saying “You can’t judge a book by its cover” makes a lot of sense when you’re in the dating arena. For instance, if you enter a club and are approached by a devastatingly handsome guy, your first reaction is most likely one of sheer stomach dropping excitement. Before he even gets the first full sentence out of his mouth, you’re already patting yourself on the back for deciding to wear that hot little black number with the plunging neckline.

You spend the rest of the evening letting this guy buy you drinks and dance with you. When it gets so late that you really do have to be getting home, you offer to give him your telephone number. He doesn’t want your telephone number. He wants to leave with you. In fact, when you make it clear that you’re not doing that, you start to realize what a terrible mistake you made. This guy was only interested in getting you into bed that same night and was sort of “buying” you all evening.

Now, you went through all of this because this guy was so attractive and knew all the right things to say and do. Yet, he ended up being somewhat of a nightmare. If you had only paid more attention to that sort of cute nerdy guy that approached right before the great looking guy, you probably wouldn’t have had to endure an ugly scene when you were ready to leave.

That’s a rather extreme example of not judging people by their looks, but it’s to prove a point. People are not always what they seem on the outside. Too many of those beautiful faces are hiding ugly souls and, many times, you won’t find out until it’s too late. Remember that famous serial killer, Ted Bundy, was considered very attractive by all of his victims, right up until they realized that he was going to kill them.

That’s doesn’t mean that you’re going to be meeting and being fooled by serial killers. It just means that you need to be cautious until you get to know someone a bit better and don’t immediately assume beauty is the better dating option. There has to be something interesting going on inside of anyone worth dating.

Is it Love, Lust or a Nervous Breakdown?

David Coverdale of the band Whitesnake sang “Is this love that I’m feeling?” many years ago, and this truly does seem to be the age old question that still doesn’t have a clear cut answer to it. You experience so many of the same emotions when you’re first falling in love as you do when you simply are lusting for someone. It can be next to impossible to determine which you’re feeling until you go ahead and give into your lust only to find out that it burns itself out in a short time.

Actually, in the beginning, you’re most likely not going to know whether you’re falling in love or not.  Both love and lust bring about such reactions as:

• Severe butterflies in the stomach
• Not being able to eat
• Not being able to sleep
• Thinking of nothing else but this new person
• Talking of nothing else but this new person and driving your friends away with your constant chatter on the subject
• Leaping to answer the phone whenever it rings only to hate the person on the other end when it’s not the object of your affection
• Becoming panicked when you don’t hear from your obsession for a full day
• Facebook stalking
• In person stalking
• Finding even the most appalling habit this person has to be cute and endearing

There are more signs, but you get the idea. These are all symptoms of new love, infatuation, lust, or that you’re possibly losing your mind. When you think about it, some of these could very well be signs of a mental illness.

The issue will be trying to figure out just what’s happening to you and whether you should try to get a new relationship off the ground, have sex a few times and then leave, or see your doctor. There are a few helpful hints that might aid you in deciding whether you’re in love or just want to have sex with this person. Then you can make the decision.

First of all, give it a little time to see if your obsession calms down and morphs into something a bit saner. If it does, and you still have favorable feelings and an attraction to this person, chances are you’re on the road to a possible long term relationship. In fact, giving the situation enough time is truly the only way to tell if you’ve found a great person that you’re in love with, or whether you simply were scratching an itch.

A big thing to watch for is if those terrible habits that were so cute before have now begun to appall you, embarrass you and simply irritate you. If this is the case, you probably don’t love this person after all. The biggest sign, however, that you’re ready to move on is when the thought of sex with your former obsession makes you nauseous. When that happens, it’s time to close this particular door and walk away.

The Importance of Date Night

There comes a time in every relationship when things start to become normal and routine. This is a fact of life that couples will eventually have to learn to live with, but there is something that you can do to bring back some of that excitement you felt in the beginning.

The “Date Night” is something that can turn that routine relationship back around to something unique and exciting, even if it is only once a week. This will help you and your partner reconnect on an emotional level again and it’s a lot of fun as well.

The first thing you need to do is understand that this is a “Date”.   This isn’t just you and your partner going out just to get out of the house on a Friday night. You can do that anytime you want. This is a night that you need to plan something fun and entertaining and change it up if you are able to. You don’t have to go to the same restaurant every week and then just go home and watch some TV before falling asleep. What kind of a date would that have been for you or your partner when you first met?

If you live in a place that has a decent night life or activities that you can do in the evening, then you will need to pick one that you would like to do. This is a bit more difficult in smaller towns but you can always use your imagination to find something you can do together. Think back to when you were in high school and all the things you used to do back then when you went out on dates. You will be surprised at the things you can do if you put your mind to it.

Make sure that you are doing things you both enjoy. If you are constantly picking things that only one of you enjoys, then it makes the other person bored, and that is never a good thing. Sit down and discuss all the things that you enjoy doing and find the ones that the two of you can have fun doing together. If you can’t find a couple of things you both enjoy, then choose one that one of you likes and let the other person choose one they like for the next “date night.”  It’s only fair, after all.

If you have children, you will need to make them understand that this is an important night for the two of you. You can always have a family night thrown in before “date night” and allow your children to pick what they would like to do to help them understand. This will help them realize that the two of you need to get out of the house once in a while as well and will show them what a true loving couple is like. Allowing them to see a happy couple will help them build strong and lasting relationships of their own later on in life as well.

Using an Online Dating Service to Find your Perfect Relationship

There are hundreds of online dating services out there that promise they are the only ones that can find the perfect partner for you. Some use sophisticated algorithms to match compatibility by matching up answers to questions that you answer when you sign up. Others let you search through the database of eligible singles so that you can find your own match. Either way you look at it, online dating services can be quite daunting for the first time user and some might give up before even really trying to find someone.

The one thing you will have to understand about online dating services is that you can be anyone you wish to be online. There is no way for a person to tell if it is actually you that is in that picture or that you are telling the honest truth when answering those thousand-question profile questionnaires. Of course, anyone that is really serious about finding a relationship through an online dating service is going to do their best to be as honest as possible. But how many people can be that honest with themselves let alone some stranger looking at their profile on a dating site?

You need to have a mindset that you will find true love, but not right away when it comes to online dating services. In fact, it could take months before someone you are compatible with stumbles across your profile and decides to contact you.

Then, you have the people who are only looking at pictures for someone specific, the same ones that could never get by meeting them in public because their standards are set way to high. The reality is that you will have to be honest with yourself about the fact that an online dating service may not work for you.

If you keep your head in this reality instead of thinking that you are going to end up with hundreds of responses in the first couple of hours, then you might be in for a surprise when you do start getting responses. You should make sure that you make contact with these people online to begin with. Use the site’s chat system and email system until you are comfortable with the person you are talking to. Never give your personal contact information to anyone that you aren’t completely comfortable with because it could be dangerous.

If you do decide to meet this person, then you need to make sure that it is in the daytime and at a very public place. Never have them meet you at your home or place of work as that just invites trouble later on if it doesn’t work out. Be responsible and think carefully before going out with someone online for the first time. If they are serious about this relationship, then they will understand why you are being careful and will be more than happy to play along with the idea while the two of you become better acquainted with each other.

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Same Sex Couples and Children

While same sex couples can have all the happiness as straight couples, one thing they usually need to work a bit harder than others at is that of expanding their families with children. Thankfully, the idea that a gay couple should not be around children, let alone have them living in their households, has finally been put to rest for most people. Adoption laws have relaxed over the years, allowing a gay couple to now adopt children if they so choose.

If the couple consists of 2 women, it can be a bit easier for them to add a child to their family. Many women will decide to become pregnant through various methods and give birth to a child that will belong to both women. They can conceive through artificial insemination or even choose a man to father their child.

This is a little easier than adoption because the baby will legally belong at least to the woman giving birth. When one partner chooses to carry the baby, some couples ask a male relative of the partner not becoming pregnant if he will donate his sperm. In this way, there truly is part of both partners in the baby.

Male couples are also choosing to become biological parents. It’s a bit trickier but it can still be done. Surrogacy has become a popular option for gay male couples. While there are some definite legal things to consider with this, it can work out to be the perfect way for gay male couples to have their own children.

They can choose to have a friend or relative carry their baby for them or they can go through a professional surrogacy service. This may be the better option because the women chosen to carry the babies have already completed the physical, emotional and mental processes that must be dealt with when offering to be a surrogate. There are fewer risks for legal problems later when things are done this way.

If you and your partner are having issues with finding the right method for adding a child to your union, there are professionals that can offer you the best advice based on your situation. Whether you choose to go with adoption or surrogacy, you need to be confident that you’re going the best route for you and your partner. Surrogacy does offer the option to actually be a genetic part of your child even though you’re not able to carry the baby yourself. When you look at your baby growing up, you’ll be able to see a little of both you and your partner in her or him.

Adoption is something that’s always a viable choice, although a gay or lesbian couple may have the same difficulties with being able to get a baby that straight couples have. That’s because there will never be enough babies to fill the wishes of all the couples that prefer babies. If you can be a bit more flexible on the age and race of your child, there’s every reason to believe that you and your partner will be parents in no time.

Dress to Impress on your First Date

Everyone knows the importance of dressing nicely on a date, but some people seem to forget the importance of dressing to impress someone when they first meet them.

The old saying about first impressions is true; if you don’t make a good first impression, then chances are you won’t have a chance to make a second impression. Take your time and choose the clothes that you are going to wear. Whether you are male or female doesn’t matter. Women tend to try to look their best no matter what they are doing; men tend to wear whatever they can find.

When women go out on a date for the first time, they are trying to tell you what kind of person they are. They give men clues as to who they are by wearing certain items of clothing and accessories. She will let you know what to expect from this date if you pay attention to the way she is dressed when you meet her at her door.

If she is wearing jeans and a t-shirt, then she is looking for adventure and fun, but if wearing a nice dress and shoes, then you better have a good restaurant picked out.

Men also tell women what to expect from a date by the way they are dressed, but it’s a bit different. Men that show up in jeans and a t-shirt may be telling you that they aren’t looking to spend a lot of money and would rather go bowling or to a movie instead. If they show up in a suit, then you are looking at a guy that likes to throw money around to impress people. He may be an over achiever or he may be highly insecure about what his life is really like.

The best thing you can do is dress somewhere in between adventure and romance. If you can manage to look good, but not overly dressed, then you are sure to give the signal that you want to have fun but not at a price that will break the bank. This goes for both men and women and makes the date much more comfortable for both of you.  You shouldn’t wear too much jewelry, either. Dressing flashy may make you feel good in public but it can embarrass your date to no end. It is generally frowned upon.

Dressing nice is a good way of making a date successful, but you have to have an attitude to go along with it to make it to the second date. If you dress like a disco reject and think of yourself as a woman’s man, then she isn’t going to want a second date with you, ever.

Women, if you dress like you just got out of the club with your girlfriends, then the guy is going to think he is welcome to come in for a drink after your date, even if you don’t want him to be thinking of you like that. So, think carefully about your clothes.

Moving Across the World for Love

With the Internet being so prevalent in society today, so many couples are meeting online through dating sites, chat rooms, forums or many of the other online methods that people use for meeting. It’s not uncommon at all for someone in the United States to fall in love with someone in Europe, Australia or any other country that’s across the globe.

These couples can use the Internet and telephone to get to know each other better until they decide that they are in love and destined to be together. That’s the easy part.

Considering that the two of you are thousands of miles away, you now have to make some very complicated decisions. Unless you plan to conduct a long distance relationship forever, one of you is going to have to relocate. This means that one of you is going to have to give up life as he or she knows it and move to a completely new location and culture. The question now is going to be which one of you will be doing that?

There are many factors to consider when making this decision. One of these should be the question of career. Which one of you has the better job and is making the better income? That has to definitely be a factor. The answer can become easier when you look at what sort of work the other one does and how easy or difficult it will be to get a job in a new country.

Family is another consideration. If you’re both close to your families that can become an issue as you obviously won’t be seeing them quite as much once the move has taken place. Now, if one of you either has no family or aren’t that close to them, that puts a check mark in that person’s moving list.

Of course, it’s to be hoped that each of you have had the chance to visit the other’s country. That’s another thing that must be taken into consideration. If you have visited the country of your lover’s and loved it, that can make things easier. If you find that you hated it or your partner hated your country, then you’ll have something else on the list to figure out.

Then there are pets. If one of you has a beloved pet, most likely that pet will not be left behind. You’ll need to check the laws regarding bringing animals into the country you may be moving to. Pets are like children to many owners and they won’t be willing to move if their baby cannot come, too. So if either you or your beloved has a pet that means everything in the world, country laws for the entrance of animals will need to be considered.

Another major factor of this decision is the difference in economies. The country that costs less money to live in should be a top contender unless it’s of an undesirable environment.

You and your love have a lot to go over. Do it fairly and in an orderly fashion so the best decision can be made.

Can You Have a Successful Relationship with an Adventurer?

Do you remember when you first got together with your great new boyfriend? Everything was so perfect! He’s funny, gorgeous, smart and everything that you’ve ever wanted in a man. You’re starting to believe in fairy tale endings because everything is going so well.

You may even have started to look at wedding dresses once in a while when no one is looking. Then it all comes crashing down around you when he alerts you that he’s going to be backpacking in Europe for the summer, and you don’t seem to be invited.

It’s hard to know how to react to that because you thought the two of you were getting along so well. At the same time, he’s behaving as if what he’s doing is nothing unusual. The more you talk to him about it, the more you find out that it actually IS NOT unusual for him. It seems that you’ve managed to hook up with an adventurer. He’s a guy that must be on the move as much as possible. It’s a part of his life and he’s not interested in giving it up for any reason; not even you.

Even though this type of lifestyle isn’t all that uncommon for certain people, if you’ve never met anyone like that, it may come as a shock to you. It most likely will become even more confusing when this guy tells you that it doesn’t change how he feels about you or anything to do with your relationship. All it means to him is that he’s going off on a trip for a while and will come back to you when he’s done.

But what does it really mean to you when the man you thought you were going to be in a permanent relationship with plans to just take off when he feels like it for months at a time?

There are many things to consider:

For one, how does he finance these little ventures? Is he independently wealthy, save up for them, or take odd jobs while he’s travelling around? Except for the independently wealthy part, he’s probably not holding down a serious job if he’s traveling around a lot. It would seem as if he works at odd jobs all the time to make just enough money to have a place to live and to finance his trips. Whatever he’s doing for money, you really need to find out the answer to that question. If the two of you become more serious, will he expect you to be financially responsible for his trips in the future?

The other thing is why does he want to go alone and not take you with him? This may point to him needing too much time alone in his life to be in a relationship.

These things are just the beginning of what you need to figure out. The bottom line is if he’s planning to take off when he pleases and it doesn’t bother him to be away from you for months at a time, that’s really not much of relationship. Will it be enough for you?

Do you REALLY Want to be a Princess?

There’s been a lot of hype around the newest royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. In the past, there were very strict and rigid rules in place forbidding royalty to ever marry a Commoner. Royal marriages were arranged, and very rarely, was any love involved. The royal couples married and interacted enough to try to produce offspring so there would be true heirs to the throne.

Divorce was unheard of in royal families and, typically, these couples simply went about their separate lives, appearing as a couple when public events were necessary.

You can see the result of such a rather cold existence in the marriage of Prince Charles and Diana Spencer, the Duchess of Wales. It was obvious to everyone that Diana was very much in love with her Prince. It’s a shame that he was in love with someone else that he couldn’t have. Had he been allowed to marry the woman of his choosing, things may have turned out quite different.

As for William and Kate, they’ve been together for the better part of 10 years and seem to actually be very much in love with each other. In addition, Kate is 10 years older than Diana was when she married into the royal family and is most likely more well equipped to deal with the pressures that come with being a Duchess and possible future Queen. She seems to be very happy in her new role.

It makes you wonder if she dreamed of growing up to marry a real prince when she was child. This is not an uncommon fantasy. Many little girls pretend that they’re marrying a prince or a king when they’re quite young. They fully believe that nothing else in the world could be as wonderful. However, they might be wrong.

As the wife of Prince William, Kate will never have another truly private moment in her life. Everyone will be watching her to see how she dresses, behaves, walks, wears her hair, and of course, they’ll all be watching her stomach with high anticipation of a new heir or heiress. Everything that Kate does from now on will be scrutinized, praised, criticized and copied. Rumors will start to fly of trouble in paradise with William as well as those of infidelity. These will happen regardless of their validity or not.

Kate may have her handsome Prince and she may truly love him, but in the end, will the pressure of so much public attention erode that love? It’s certainly happened with other royal couples that were lucky enough to marry for love. Of course, Kate will also be answering to the Queen of England so it’s going to be necessary that she dots all her i’s and crosses all of her t’s or she’ll find herself being called on the carpet.

In the end, it probably takes a special personality to live the life of royalty. You must be strong and willing to give up a lot of yourself in the process. Being a princess or a duchess can be hard. Knowing all of this, would you still want to marry a real prince?

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